I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years now and we have an 8-month old daughter together. We also bought our first flat/apartment together around the time of our daughter being born. We have been together for about 7,5 years and have lived together for about 6 years.
I recently found out my husband is cheating on me. I am not sure for how long this has been going on, but I think it started while I was pregnant, if not many years before.. The only strong evidence of him cheating is while I was pregnant even though I strongly believe things started way earlier.
I have always trusted him and never thought that he would be able to cheat on me, that is why I think I noticed it all a bit too late. I have been going through and checked his phone over the last month and I am in chock of what I’m seeing. He is constantly messaging women on a daily basis, there are just so many different women. He works evening/night shifts and normally comes home at night time, so he always has the perfect cover up.
I recently confronted him with some of the information I found out, however I am not able to show him exactly what I know as he wasn’t aware of me checking his messages.
He is completely denying everything, he always says it’s a work colleague etc. etc. so many lies.. even when I have named women by name and know he has seen them. He only gets angry and says I shouldn’t check his phone. He never try to apologise and it doesn’t seem like he is trying to stop either. I have told him it all has to stop as I am thinking about getting a divorce. He only gets angry and tells me off for bringing up divorce and for me threatening him to divorce, and says it will push him to cheat. I have suggested couples therapy, but he says he doesn’t do that. Every time I try to have a conversation and discussion about our marriage, I don’t get anything from him or we will just go around in circles and not being able to agree on anything. I would love to save our marriage and our life together as I feel we have only just started our life together, but he doesn’t show any signs of wanting to improve. I just wish he would admit so we could work on it together… but as it is now, I feel like I’m the only one to want to improve our marriage even after knowing he is cheating.
Last time I confronted him, a week ago, I told him that I am here to listen when he is ready to tell me the truth, but I am not able to talk to him and continue as we are otherwise. But he only asks 'what truth'… so we have hardly spoken for a week as I am trying to stay strong.. He only wants to go back to ‘normal’ where we pretend everything is fine and we don’t talk about things… He could stay quiet for days or weeks I think… He booked a holiday trip for the three of us a few days ago, so I got my hopes up. But then I kept finding messages and plans of him trying to meet up with someone.
The best thing is probably to try and leave, but that will be a struggle as he will just deny and let me deal with everything on my own. I am still on maternity leave and don’t have any money which is going to be difficult to try and get a separation going. I feel like I need to get out as soon as possible as it’s hurting me so much when I see what he is doing and I think once I have made up my mind he will only make it worse for me and stop hiding who he is seeing. Which is why I don’t think I am strong enough to still live together after a separation.
Just wanting to get a bit of support and see if anyone has any good advice for me. I haven’t told any friends or family yet as I am feeling so humiliated and ashamed of the whole situation. I have also been going through some depressions, well still am..
I'm struggling mightily and I am at a loss. I'm posting this as a reach out to some folks that may have similar things going on as a support system. To be honest this post could fall under a number of different groups. I'm just going to put out a number of things and am hoping that some folks would reach out with additional questions to keep up a back and forth conversation to try and develop...
In February, I discovered my 43 yr old husband had an affair for 4 months (mostly emotional, kissing at end of affair before my discovery) with an 18 year college student. We started marriage counseling in March. He moved out in April but we see each other every other day, partially for our kids, but we end up spending a lot of tome just the two of us. We have been connecting in a way we...