There is a difference between 1 affair and repeated infidelity. Affairs do happen in marriages and the marriage can actually survive but there needs to be work done before moving forward. Whether you see a therapist, counselor, or religious advisor, couples should have clear agreed upon guidelines and help processing the grief around an affair before they agree to moving past the events. If this kind of unearthing doesn't take place and a couple sweeps the issue under the carpet, the odds are very high that it will in fact happen again. CSR

My fiance sweeps and sweeps til I don't even care to walk over the floor anymore. He won't face CHIT because I know he would definately do it again, and so does he. I'm not stupid.

I'm not really answering your question here, but my fiance cheated once full blown. The other time was just a betrayl of honesty, actually.

now? if he so much as text messages another woman, HES GONE. I will NOT forgive anything EVER again. Done, gone, bye bye.

I know I'm coming from the cheating side and most people probably don't want to hear my comment. But I feel like how many times a person cheats is irrelevant if the other spouse (the one that was cheated ON) is constantly giving them grief or giving them a hard time the rest of their life for the one affair. I think if couples don't agree together to work on their relationship after the ONE affair that the cheating spouse may be more likely to go out and cheat again if their spouse also doesn't decide to let go of the hurt feelings at some point and treat them like a spouse needs to be treated. If my husband wasn't the understanding type to actually love me and try to get through this without showing me anger and pain on a daily basis I might feel differently right now. If I had to listen to him day after day accusing me of what I did in my past it would get old after a while. There comes a point where you just need to decide if you are going to stay with your spouse that you have to forgive them and move on. You don't have to forget what they did but you need to be able to be nice to them and treat them like a spouse again. No one wants to be mistreated the rest of their life for one mistake they made.

The way mine cheated was enough! The statistics show if they did it once, they will do it again. They will get comfortable again one day, and BAM!! But if it has already happened more than once to you...... I would call it a wake up call!

I believe my wife had her first affair several years ago,,I had proof, but she denied it and I decided to believe her, I let it go and we moved on...lookin back on it now I should have been more vigilant...when she had her second affair(this one she doesnt deny, in fact she was proud of it for along time)..I decided to keep the marriage together again cause I listended to all her excuses(It was just sex, I needed this,I didnt mean tohurt you it just happened,,that and a bunch of others)..but lookin back on it, its a mistake..I should have left her after her first affair..A woman (or man) that cheats once, gets forgiven, then cheats again and demands the same forgiveness, can never be trusted again.

My husband had two affairs. I forgave him without questions the first time because I was scared to lose him. Not only did I love him but we just had our first child. The second time was in December (almost two years later) and if you saw any of my page before I deleted it you would know that I was ready to leave in a heartbeat. Alot of people here helped me understand my pain more which in turn helped me communicate to my husband how I felt, what I wanted to do, ect. without blowing up at him in a unstable emotional wreck. I told him counseling or divorce. I stayed with family for awhile and we decided to work on things and go to counseling. He called before I even came home to make an appointment. At the beginning of Feb was the real break through. We got a bottle of wine and talked. Just him and I no tv, children or anything. We venting, told each other how we felt, how we made each other feel and what we wanted from each other. Since then I look at what has happened as almost a test. It made both of us realize how much we truly loved each other and made my husband realize how close he was to losing his family on some woman that meant nothing to him. Our relationship has been amazing since everything happened. We get in our little tiffs but thats normal. We think about the future. I can say in my heart that I know he will never cheat again. He knows that if he ever even got to close to the line I will be gone and so will his son. I told him the best thing I got from him cheating was it made me realize how strong I was and if ever need be I wont be scared to be a single mom. It is possible to move on but only if you both truly are ready to. Good luck

I just wanted to say really quick that I completely agree with CSR. My husband and I never faced what happend the first time and I never got over it. Like sapphire said, everytime we would fight or anything I would bring it up as if he owed me something no matter how long ago it was. It was very bad for our relationship. The second time we both faced what was going on. It was very hard we went through phases of wanting to be together and then not wanting to be together. Our first counseling session was to determine if we were going to work on things or not. We truly got over everything that has happened and its amazing.

First off, I am not sure that those of us who have been cheated on really know how many times it has happened. IMO I probably know about 85% of what has really gone on. What I do know is there were three times, full on cheating. AND many other inappropriate behaviors with women. I also wonder when enough will be enough and it scares me that I may continue to stay. Although, we are in counseling with a person we have seen on and off for years and she is on to him! I think with her help, she is great, I will have an answer soon. That is my hope.

I'm with you. Once is enough for me. If she does this again, she won't have me around to abuse any more. Im still wonderin if i'm a chump for takin her back this time. Cannot believe some of you go thru this more than one time.

To MY knowledge, my H had 1 affair. That ONE was more than enough. He knows that if he puts a toe (much less his dick) out of line, all bets are off and he WILL be hitting the bricks and we (me and his kids) will be moving on with our lives.

Thus far, I have not forgiven him. It is something that I am working on. When will it come, I have no idea. Our MC, says that forgivness will come in its own time.

With all of that said, I am not 100% certain that we will survive this ONE affair. Right now, I am still here and working towards rebuilding our marriage, but next week, next month, next year who knows what the future will bring.

The one thing I have learned thus far is NOT to make permanent decisions in the heat of anger or the moment. Wait until you have had time to process all the facts and information BEFORE making life altering choices.