I don't think you are stupid. You just are not ready to let go. With kids, it would be even harder than not.
I have a similar problem only it's a live-in boyfriend. He was paying for online dating sites. Now I know he's text-messaging and calling/meeting a girl behind my back. He says not, but I read the text messages. My problem...three months ago, my brother (literally my favorite person in the world) killed himself over his cheating wife. That should make me want to leave more and it does, but facing another loss when I'm still having a terrible time facing the loss of my brother just sounds unbearable. I don't know what to do.

This is so cruel and unfair. My heart aches for you. I can't tell you what to do, but if it's very new, then most people would advise 6-12 months before divorce. However, living with you while still seeing her is not right. You need to have him move out for your sanity. Then, you can decide later whether you will take him back.

Deal with your depression by focusing on parts of your life that are not in turmoil- your kids, your job, your friends, your family. Eat, rest, play, exercise, sleep, and take care of you. See a counseler or minister or a sympathetic friend when you need to vent.

He has to move out to experience life without you completely. Right now, he gets to have both of you. You don't have to tell him it's over or give him an ultimatum. Just make it clear you aren't going to share.

Some imporant insight I have learned through my experience. Don't ask him to leave unless you want him to, listen openly to what he says, and don't give ultimatums. If you are still together that is a good thing. Try to ride the wave of emotions. Don't take his responses to heart- he doesn't know what he is feeling or doing at this point. If you believe in him and you want to work through this have faith, patience and understanding. Keep talking and get information on mid-life crisis. This is a very challenging time for individuals who are going through this. Try to be consistent with who you are because they need that stability. It really is about loving unnconditionally. Try to see if he will talk to someone, a doctor or a counselor about depression. Good luck to you. I am still on this path and I pray every day that it will help my husband and my family.

I'll tell you how long I waited, 12 hours. My H confessed late on a Friday night and it lasted all night long. Little by little the story came out.
He was planning to go to a "friends" house on Sat. to help with yard work. I told him NO. He needed to take the day, no contact with her, this was between our family, just us. If he left or had contact with her don't come back period. He gave me his cell phone and shut off the computer. I asked lots of questions during the day. I told him if he couldn't choose his family he was to leave and Mon. morning I would contact a lawyer and a real estate agent. I drew a line in the sand and that was it. Me or her. I made him tell our 3 teenagers what he had done to our family.
By late after noon he told me he didn't want to give up his family and he wanted to try to fix what he had done. On Sunday he meet with her to brake it off.
It's been 21 weeks and she continued to contact him for a long time and he lied about so many things and continued to contact her too. But little by little I think he's starting to let go of her or he's really good at acting.

Don't be a door mat. Don't make it easy for him. You have the right to be respected. Remind him of the promises he made to you. I was also told my H was having a mid-life crisis by my ex-counselor. BULL that's an excuse. He is a selfish coward just like my H. There is NO excuse for having an affair. What he "loves" is his ego and how she is willing to drop every thing and stroke it.

completely understand. It is tough and I feel the fool just like you. Waiting, hoping they come to their senses and stopping throwing everything away. Like you I am trying to be patient (2+ mos of knowing). It would be tough for me to leave and if I do it will be permentent so making sure thay's the right choice is critical. Good luck!

I live with the same issue telling him to make a choice. mine has several OW'S, that he spends everyday with text's and emails. There are days when i have a hard time dealing with it all. I ask myself I am worth more than the crumbs that he throws my way. There were only two people when we wed, not 20 plus OW's. some days it gets crowed here, feels like they are here all at once. Laptop is in our bedroom so I feel less than a person, Violated! I know what you are going through. we deserve better than what we are getting. we are cheating ourselves of Love and affection.we are being disrespected. Leaving them to do this, in there minds that we are ok with it. Slwing coming to realiseing this. Life is such a rollercoaster right now. Don't know what is right or wrong. Missing out on so much kids make it hard to walk away. if It was just me I would be gone!!! Prayers to each one of you.

My H said the best thing I ever did was leave. I took off with the kids to my parents for 12 days. He didn't know I knew about his affair until we were in flight and my Dad called him to let him know why. The time alone in our house made my H realize what he was doing and what he was in jeopardy of losing. I think your H needs a wake-up call. Make him leave. Don't let him come back unless he's chosen you and the kids over her. No wonder he's happy with her, he hasn't lost anything. You can't make him think you are sitting around waiting for him. Don't let him treat you this way, you deserve better!!!!