I'm so sorry, but it takes a long time, a lot of patience, and, in most cases, a lot of angry words. There are lots of books that will help: I'd suggest -- Not Just Friends by S. Glass. Also individual councelling and marriage councelling (when you're ready for it). He needs to answer all your questions and it may take time, it's a journey of discovery for the betrayer and one filled with shame. He needs to turn over his passwords for computer and cell phone, and maintain absolute No Contact with the OW. If you work together you can find the path out of this, but at times you'll hate him. Just remember the responsibility for the affair is his not your's.

Even if your marriage had problems prior -- an affair was not an acceptable action on his part.

Others here will have plenty of advice for you. It's a good place to get support. Just remember -- you know your husband better than anyone else. I mean whether he's worth the pain or not.

Sweetie, everyone is on a different schedule. It's been almost 18 months for us and I still hit road blocks. One month isn't even time in my opinion to pick yourself up off the ground. Sounds like he is willing to do whatever it takes. That is a very good sign. I wish you the very most luck.

for a positive note. be thankful he is willing to answer all your questions in a respectful manner because that is an excellent start but
moving on will take a long time and i hope he understands that. you have to completely rebuild the relationship from scratch and learn to trust and feel safe all over again and it takes a very long time for all the images and hurt to go away...things will come up in your mind for a very long time and it takes him being understanding and very patient...in fact he is the key to you getting through this. I did not have that hence i had the jerk attitude bec i was so upset and he just wanted to move forward and say i am sorry and not explain or discuss anything which makes it virutally impossible and hopeless...so much depends on the cheater to get you through this with understanding,patience and caring for a very long time..it is the same pain as losing a chld so dont expect yourself to just bounce back and he shouldnt either.
you will have times you think you are fine and the next minute you will think you are dieing inside...you will go through a series of emotions and grieving.it is all natural so dont beat yourself up for being human.it is overwhelming and almost too much to digest so give yourself a break.and it is your time to be the one receiveing all you need from him.

Just remember "IT"S YOUR TIME" and not his.

Just remember "IT"S YOUR TIME" and not his.

Look, it is not going to be easy. There is not short cut or some magic thing that will make you better. Time is the only answer. Stop obsessing over the affair. It is only going to do more harm to you and delay your ability to heal.

what you are going through has happened to many of us. Its a like a rollercoaster there are highs and lows. Just know that we can relate and we are here for you.

Take time out for yourself. Build yourself up emotionally, spiritually and physically. Get to know who you are.

It took me two years. Everyone is different.

Thank you everyone for your help here. The responses gave me help over Christmas. When I was blue, I kept reading over them for strength. Thank you! It seemed so easy when I said that I wanted to work through this betrayal last month. But lately it's seems so much harder. Not because of him not wanting to help me. It's just that my mind wont stop. Sometimes you feel like your slipping backwards instead of moving on. And I hate to keep bringing it up to him and discussing it over and over again. I know it's hard on him too. I tried counseling and did not connect at all with my therapist. I've been reading the self help books for now and might try therapy again with someone else in the future. I know I have to take baby steps to get through this.

You, unfortunately have a long time to go. It's hard for the rest of us to not put our opinions or anger for these kind of people but make sure he is willing to let his life be an open book because he has destroyed the trust and credability in your relationship. Just don't feel guilty about checking or asking and you can expect the anger to hit hard at times. Why did he do it? There really is not an answer good enough. Is there????? I'm sorry for you because it does hurt. Please do yourself a favor and make sure he is willing to give up his extracurricular activities. Talking and saying it doesn't make it so. Good Luck.

I feel your hurt. I just found out about my bf's infidelity about 3 months ago and it still brings tears to my eyes. Not every day but I always have tons of questions...like yourself. Many people tell me I have to just "let it go" and forgive him if that's the path I am choosing.
I wish you luck. My prayers are with you.

i dont think someone understands when they say let go and move on...because you can forgive but that is different from having to deal with the actual problems and consequences because he is now a stranger and a different person than you thought he was capable of something you thought he was not capable of...so you really have to start at day one all over again and be totally transparent
to bond and reconnect that you are inside eachother hearts,heads,and souls again...
bec when this happened it BROKE EVERYTHING AND EVERY THOUGHT AND EVERY feeling....bec the person you thought he was and thought of you....all of a sudden was someone else and you can not be two different people...they are one in the same and you have to
bond like dating all over again
with him getting you close enough that you feel like you know him and every secret...
you will go through rage, grief,anger,depression,insecurity,but you did nothing to cause his actions and are not the cause or the blame for any of this choices...it has nothing to do with you
and more to do with him and his character and his view of commitment and honesty and respect for partners.
it will take years to rebuild bec first you have to get through the secrets,deception,pain and understand what did happen so there is a bottom to the pain before you can build on a rock again....
if you cant get to the bottom...you cant rebuild...you can pretend and just resent him.