I am so devasted by my husbands affair. I have never felt pain like this before. I found out last Oct that he had been cheating on me since July with a mutual aquaintance. It was more of an emotional affair verses a sexual one. Prior to his affair, we were having a very difficult year relationship wise which wore me down emotionally and physically. So much so that I quit my job and went back home (home is in Buffalo NY) for a couple of weeks. He begged me to come back. I did and was willing to give him a second chance. Unfortunately, he recently screwed things up again. I'm ready to file for divorce. I had him refi the house so that I will have money to start over. I'm really struggling with making the decision to leave. He's begging me once again to stay and swearing that it is completely over with the other woman. My head tells me to leave but my heart is saying don't go. I'm so confused and am sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I don't know what to do. I am seeking out a psychologist and he is going to do the same. We will also seek couples counseling if I decide to stay. My husband and I have a long history together and our story may seem quite bizarre to most people. We were together when we were young and ended up together after fifteen years apart. We have been married for almost 10 years now (he is 46 and I am 43...no children). A lot of things have happened in our marriage, but I never thought about giving up on it until now. He's done a lot of things to make my life a living hell. People that know what's gone on between us think that I should have left a long time ago. For whatever reason, I love him...even now. He broke my heart when he crossed that line...I actually felt it break. I just don't know what I should do and I just don't know how to go about getting through this.
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