
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
How do I deal with the emotional roller coaster?

deleted_user
I'm new to this website, and this is my first post. I was married for almost 19 years in an almost 21 year relationship. My H has been having an affair for the past 6 months (so he says). We're getting divorced. Some days I'm almost manic - happy with the decision, hating him, making plans for my future. Other days I'm so sad wondering what I did wrong. I used to think I was such a good wife. My H big problem with our marriage was lack of sex (usually only once a week), but he works nights, and we only see him on weekends, and he pretty much ignores us - he's always watching TV and/or playing online poker. I know I'm rambling, sorry.
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My ex fiance gave me ALL KINDS of "reasons" , ie EXCUSES for why he cheated, including but not limited to:
1.) I wanted attention.
2.) It was just sex.
3.) She seems attracted to me.
4.) She was VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE. ( NO she WASNT).
5.) I felt trapped.
6.) I was scared.
7.) SHE FORCED ME AND TOLD ME SHE WOULD BURN THE HOUSE DOWN.
8.) I didnt think I was doing anything wrong.
9.) My mommy made me do it.
And the list goes on. Yes, he actually said his mommy made him do it.
There is no reason for them to do these things sometimes and I understand how horridly depressed, and up and down you can be feeling.
Please give YOU a break and help YOU breath and move on to a better life without him. Easier said than done, I know.
Deep breaths.
The affair was not your fault. His claims are very familiar to all of us. There is probably some truth on both sides. But, he decided to have his needs met elsewhere.
I got very distant from my wife. There were times when we didn't want to be in the same room with each other. But, I did eventually get fed up with her complaining about no sex when she was sleeping in my daughter's room. I got a little tired of hearing about our different body clocks when I was still wide awake and she insisted she had to be in bed by 8:30. But, I also played a lot of late night games on the computer. I had a lot of homework. I basically abandoned her for at least a few years. So, she didn't feel loved and close to me like she should have. And, instead of being able to talk about it, she screamed at me...which made me get more distant...you see the vicious cycle.
So, to an extent, we both played the blame game on each other for a while. But, I didn't choose to have an affair. Who had time for ANOTHER woman on top of everything else I had to do? We didn't communicate with each other. We didn't get help. I'm just glad that we're able to do that now.
Sorry to share so much of our story, but some of it applies. You're going to feel hurt and angry for a long time. But, you will heal. It does get better. You didn't cheat.