Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

3,952 Members
17,784 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Infidelity Support Group

How Betrayal Feels

deleted_user
deleted_user
For anyone on here that might be considering cheating, or anyone that has cheated and wants to know how we feel, I thought I might just start a list of the feelings and emotions we, the betrayed, go through on a daily basis. Maybe this might prevent someone from cheating if they can just see it listed out in this format without having to read lots of emotional stories on here. Or maybe it might help someone that has cheated to understand what we are going through, because nobody knows the devastation until they've been there. I talked to one OW on here that said it never crossed her mind that we might feel compared to them. Can you imagine? So here's the start:

1) I feel like a total fool for not noticing anything different, and then believing the lies.

2) I get literally nauseated several times a day when I think of the OW with my husband.

3) Every time I hear a specific sweet nickname, my heart breaks all over again because that is what he called her.

4) ????
deleted_user
deleted_user
i can`t even stand to see a walmart commercial or I see red..

everytime I think of what they did in her car in the walmart parking lot behind the building I get sick and thank god that they were never busted..

I also wonder how he can swear to love me so much but then still do those things with her..not so much anymore but a lot at first
deleted_user
deleted_user
God I know!!! And just when you think those feelings are fading, they come back.
deleted_user
deleted_user
4) I don't feel I will be able trust again. Not only my husband, but anyone.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i look back to the time frame when the affair was going on and question every event, every conversation and every gifts that he bought me.and think back to all the time when we were inimate, did he have her in his mind when he was with me. i wonder if he does any kind of comparison. it is hard for me to imagine that because the ow is 11 years younger. i keep myself well and still look good, but you can not compete with youth.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know I will never be the same.

I will never trust...anyone..again.

I feel as if I am not and never will be...enough.

I have experienced humiliation down to my soul...and everyone who is close to me knows, as I was too upset for too long to hide it.

Mostly, I will always know that my husband did not love me enough. He does not love me enough. I will never feel that special feeling of knowing he chose me over all others. I will never not assume that if someone comes along, who meets a certain criteria, he will think nothing of causing me this excruciating pain again.

I would be a fool to expect more. I will not be a fool again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Everytime I hear "our" song, I feel so stupid. Our song never meant anything to him.

I will never trust easily again.

Whenever I'm out in town and some woman smiles at me that I don't know, I wonder if he nailed her too.

I feel like the butt of a very bad joke.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm humiliated that his family and our friends look at me with pity.

I'll always wonder if "I love you" means "I love you...until someone better comes along."

And I'll never love or trust so openly ever again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
you said it ginaB. I feel like a fool. I had so much trust in her. I knew the guy had feelings for her but I didn't care because our relationship was sooooo strong. so, yeah I feel like an idiot.
deleted_user
deleted_user
GinaB, Yes, I have all the same feelings as each person here,...esp. never to trust again.... I feel the same as you, Nave...

Yesterday, I found the shipping slip for the watch that my children and husband give me and it was dated May, 2001 and I had to sit down and cry my heart out.... because H was right in the middle of his fling.... (or as I always say, his adultery)
H picked it out and the three of them went together and brought it.... It was very, very expensive...

Hugs to all the wives/husbands out there who are being cheated on....my prayers are with you.... I understand all the feelings that all of you have....because I have the same ones...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I get upset when I hear a newborn baby cry. It just reminds me of the fact that my husband is having a kid with the ow. I just feel up with more emotions than I can handle.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Nave nailed it for me...I would be a fool to expect more..I will not be a fool again. And oh yeah.. my H is 42 and he had affairs with 19 and 24 , and 25 yr olds.. talk about not being able to compete..and just as Cathy said Every time a woman I DONT know smiles at me..now instead of smiling back.. I wonder who the hell she is and why is she smiling at me. How in the HELL can a woman do this to another woman..
Garrison
Garrison
I have said it before, and I will say it again.

Sticking a knife inside yourself, twisting it, waiting a long time for it to heal and sticking it in again in excatly the same spot....

This would hurt less than the betrayal.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Feeling like you gave the best of yourself to this man and he didn't have the courage to stand up for you and you children.
lladyfairhair
lladyfairhair
Totally Stunned... shocked ...BETRAYED... because I thought I KNEW him SOOOO well. Well I guess I didnt now did I> thought he would be the last person on this earth... has made me unsure of people but I really dont want to be. Im trying not to be. I dont really trust what HE tells me now. "Fool me once-shame on you" saying.
deleted_user
deleted_user
How someone that claims loves you can in actuality hate you so much, Makes you feel "love" is a lie. It's a feeling that is superficial that will eventually go away. Luckily I've had a couple new opportunities with wonderful men who taught me to believe in the word "love" again. But the infidelity experience, it's not something that happens and is forgotten once you move on. It will always and forever be a dark part of you that you cannot run away from as much as you try. You have to create new memories where the old ones lie and you're scared to go to places that are filled with old memories. It's PTSD. I literally have to force myself to place myself in places where old memories are and replace them with new ones. This is only a small part of what we go through. Learning to trust anyone again is difficult. The anger inside is like a monster that needs to be let out.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: irishwriter
    7916
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
  • Rizen

    Walk a Day

    Posted by: Rizen
    Last Reply: mujicaptsd
    1891
    I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...