Your kids think that because they have no idea what is going on. Your husband does, so he has no right.

I too am in the middle of a reconciliation. So, I have no idea how to make it work perm.

Do you ever forget NO! Can you move past it, I DON"T KNOW. It all depends on how honest your husband has been with you about the whole affair. They reasons for it, things that were said, etc.

The secret I do know is to forgive him with all your heart. The words are so easy to say, but figuring out how to do this is the difficult part. Maybe you need a counselor for both of you. It is a lot of work for something they may or may not happen.

As silly as this sounds you need to start hugging yourself! You deserve to be loved and respected. Forgiveness takes time. The wounds are still very sore and if they get poked will cause us to re-live the pain. Just hold on and hang in there. This too shall pass. And if it doesn't you can decide where to go from there. That's the beauty! The decision is yours, there is no race to a finish line. Take your time!

I do the same thing! Everything will be going great and I turn into a b***h! It's just always in the back of my head how I don't trust him and question everyting he does! I keep praying that someday I'll get over it but am to afraid to let my guard down! It sucks!

I do the same things one min I am happy the next I would love to kick his ass, I don't know what to do I just found out sept 30, 2007 buy going on his myspace home page he did nit tell me and this happen for 2002-2004 and her son my be my b/f con we have three kids and my tubs are tied so I am pissed and on top of that I just had a miscarrge on last friday I was 10weeks I am losing it in this house my kids are so happy that I do not know what to do, he has said to me how much he love me every day now that I know but is that all I need, i don't think so why can't I stop cring and I can not eat , he is tring to make me happy playing with me, tring to hold me I lok at him with my kids and just start cring my lil girl asked him last night why I keep cring she is 8 then i have to boys 11, 4, What can I do?

Hey, I know how this feels. I've been through it more than once. I don't know if I'm a fool or a saint for trying again. Last night I got on his email account and found that he had a message from one of the school reunion websites. It was a message from a former girlfriend from highschool. Nothing intimate . . . she just said hi, how are you doing, etc... But experience has taught me that when someone looks up a former flame, they are looking for more than just walking down memory lane together. I am ashamed, but I deleted the message and the email notification and erased all traces of it. I was tempted to confess to him, but I realized that she very well could turn into the next reason for him to have an affair - it wasn't planned, I didn't want it, it just happened, I still love you, she doesn't mean anything. I didn't tell him what I did and I don't think I will. May God forgive me. I can't chase him around forever making sure he doesn't have any female friends or opportunities to cheat and I don't want to, but trust is something that doesn't come easily. It's a choice and apparently it's not a choice I'm ready to make yet. You will feel this way for a long time until you are ready to make the choice to forget the past and move forward. You can't make him love you and you can't make him be faithful. All you can do is have a contigency plan for if it happens again and then follow through with that plan no matter how painful it is. I wish us ALL luck and God's Grace to get through these trials.

You're hurting right now and you can't just "get over this" in a day though I wish we all could. :) It won't always feel this way though. I would highly recommend counseling for both of you. Individual counseling for you to help work through your feelings can be good too. Is he being totally open with you and showing you that he has nothing to hide? Seriously, he needs to be working on rebuilding trust. That would really help your reconciliation. If you need anything to help you see that he's being totally honest, don't be afraid to ask for it. Having him call if he's going to be late, letting you see his cell, all bills, e-mail, passwords, whatever it is... Trust is something that is earned, not granted, so if he wants your trust back, he needs to earn it. It can take some time too and that's normal. Definitely show yourself kindness and love and take good care of yourself.

I know exactly how you feel. I feel like this everyday. My children don't have any idea that my husband cheated and we are trying to keep our marriage together everyday. They will sometimes ask, "Momma are you okay?" or "Momma, why are you so sad all the time." No one understands unless they've been where we are. I don't know how to get past it either. If you find out, please let me know.

It does take time and it takes finding another outlet. I called my wife names that my lips have never uttered before...at least not in English.... I realized that I didn't want to hurt her anymore, even though I felt she needed to feel a little of my pain. I had to go into counseling to get past the anger and the pain. I've said this on another thread today, but when my wife sat me on the couch and told me about her affair, I was just numb and in shock. I didn't know what to say or do. She curled up in a ball and started sobbing on the end of the couch. After a minute or so, I reached out to her to comfort her. How messed-up is that? It actually makes me mad to think that she had destroyed my world, and I was the one that reached out to her. She didn't expect it like some of your spouses. I still can't believe it when someone has a spouse that confesses and then expects that you just get over it. It would make me furious if my wife had acted like she was all happy and had not a care in the world so soon after revealing her affair. That would tell me she didn't care about my pain. So, I don't know you or your husband, but it seems that he doesn't really care what he's done to you.

As to the kids, please don't let them worry about you too much. Our daughter got so depressed after my wife's affair that we had to get her into counseling and eventually I had to tell her what happened. I wouldn't suggest that for everyone. But, my daughter had to know what was going on. I think you can be honest enough without having to tell them everything. They may end up blaming themselves for your sadness. They just can't understand what's going on and they tend to wonder what they did wrong.

There will be reminders all around for you a while. I wasn't able to watch TV, listen to secular radio, or let my wife use a phone without me being there for several weeks. She didn't leave the house without me or the kids with her for weeks. She understood and she volunteered to do this in order to help me gain back some trust in her. So, your husband is going to have to help build back up the trust. That's his job. He's the one that destroyed it.

In time, you will still remember the affair, but it won't sting as much when you are reminded. Unfortunately, I can now watch most TV shows and it doesn't hurt me a whole lot when someone is having an affair. Before, I just had to either change the channel or get up and leave the room instead of getting mad or depressed about it. Don't push the anger down, but get it out in a healthy way.

I have had many awake at 4 in the morning moments. You are not feeling anything that is unusual. I was on quite a rollercoaster for a while. Time and working it out with your husband is the only thing that can help you get over this. but He must be a willing partner or it will never work. He has to be able to lay it on the line and go above and beyond. He has to understand the damage he has done and that it will take a lot of work on his part to make it happen. I wish you luck and sleep aids

My H and I are working things out as well after everything I have put him through. I am the one at fault in this, and I understand where you are coming from because I see my H going through that exact same thing... There are triggers that set him off and make him start thinking about things.
I have never experienced anything on the other end of this infedelity thing, but I have had traumatic experiences that have triggers as well.
All I can say is that over time you WILL stop feeling like that. But it will take lots of time.
Are you seeing a therapist?

I wish I could help you with this. I wish someone could help all of us w/this. This weekend was awful. He could not do or say anything that would make me happy. I tried to smile and go through the motions but every song, tv show, anything he mentioned, when he kissed or hugged me. I thought about the past year. When he was "working" all those extra hours, weekends and making so much time for her, going places w/ her cutting out on me and his 2 beautiful boys for her, while I cleaned the house, took care of the kids, the yard work, the garbage, the bills, even sending out a check for a conference that he took her on in CA. I just get so irate but am learning that lashing out at him every time I start to feel this way is not productive either. Unfortunately I keep some bottled up, at least until I go to counceling. It is so hard, I want it to work, I want us to be happy again. but I do not trust him. and am afraid of how long it will be until I do. Be stong and try to remember why you began to love him in the first place. That will help a little.

nic1014,
I have a GREAT deal of respect for people in your situation. You can read my profile and get a good idea of what happened... But the fact that you are trying to make it work means you are a STRONG person, with lots of love.
The trust... Will come with time. My H doesn't trust me at all right now. And for good reason. But I honestly believe in time he will see not only my words but actions as well.
If heis sincere about it, and is taking all the steps needed to regain your trust, then that is good. But as far as your triggers, and rightly angry thoughts... You should definitely see a therapist. That way you can vent and talk about things without pushing your husband away with it.
This is at least what we are doing...

It will take alot of time to get over the affair.it does not happen over night.As they say time heals all wounds.My hubby had an affair with my best friend and it really devastated me and brought me down to a low point in life.I did not no if i would be able to bring my self back up.it took alot of talking,alot of crying and him ready and willing to do anything and everthing in his power to prove to me that i could trust him and that he does love me and wants it to work.One thing i learned was not to get angry and throw it into his face.that made it worse.I went to counseling on my own and she told me i had to stop that cause it will make it work and eventually he would throw his hands in the air and just give up because it would be a constant reminder to him.Like the counselor said... how are we to get over it and move on with our relationship if i keep throwing it into his face.We had to take baby steps one day at a time.DO you ever forget? No! can you get past this? yes you can.Forgive him with your whole heart....Good luck and if you need to talk send me a message

You've said so much that we all feel, wishiwas. I think Nic1014 said the words that I always try to get me out of this mood- remember the reasons why you want this to work and focus on them. He will never feel the pain and anger you feel, you just can't make that happen. It's not fair, but life just isn't. It still can be good, though, and choosing to embrace life and the good that's in it is what we all have to do.

I would love to know how to get past everything. I too can have good times but then have reminders. I do not trust my H---I am struggling with the fact that I don't know if I ever will. I think I want to work it out one minute, and then the next, I want to throw in the towel. My kids know that something is wrong--and I don't want them to see that much longer. Good luck...