Before we go any further, read what you just wrote.

If it helps, pretend someone else wrote it. What would you tell them? Would you encourage them to stay with this guy, or would you tell them they needed to get away as fast as they could?

I think you have your answers already, just need to listen to what you're saying a little closer.

HG gave you good advice. You are clinging to the dream of what you thought you had. Do not marry this man. You are so young there will be many other higher quality men to date. Do not let yourself be confused. This time, listen to your brain and not your heart. I wish I had before I married my cheating husband.

If i were you, i would get help, you need self esteem support help, maybe a counsellor could find you some group to attend, once you have self esteem you will see him for all he's worth..............f#$# all, but it has to be what you really want or the attachment to him will be too strong and you will go back to him, find someone exactly the same or let someone do this to you again. You are young, make it a goal of yours to build your confidence, self esteem and get strong on the inside, then you know you can live in an equal healthy relationship.
This is a hard learning curve for you and it hurts like hell, so learn from it and chose not to live in abuse. Bid him farewell and get all the help you can.
You will eventually leave him if you just continue on his abusive path, but it is you that is going to get hurt and continue hurting.

Thanks for the advice people, I know it sounds silly but I really don't want to let go... I was going to ask if you guys thought it might work out, but I already know...sigh

I just can't understand why he would ask me to marry him when he knew his love was not 100%. The sad thing is, alot of his friends do it, if not all, and I think now (I realise) that I chose to ignore it... though I did believe him for a while.

You've learned a lot here and with time to grow, you'll look back and wonder what the big deal with this guy was. Really, believe it or not, you will be relieved!

I find myself asking what made him do it? am I not good enough? wasn't he happy? all sorts of things! The thing is I have a good job, qualifications, good family, friends, not too bad looking and the girls he chose over me leaves me clueless? One is younger than me with two kids, no job and not very bright, the other one I don't really know.. but why why why!!???

Don't sit around trying to make sense of what he did. I don't think anyone ever feels like the cheater has a good "reason" to cheat.

In the end, it's usually about them getting what they wanted while they could get it and nothing more.

You're going to drive yourself nuts if you try to make any sense of this thing.

"How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg." - Abraham Lincoln

If you think it is easier to stay with him than to leave now, while you are young and no children, this is what you need.

You need to be left alone night after night with your children while he is out with other women, spending the money you need to buy groceries.

You need to accidentally see him kissing another woman while you are out shopping for a gift for him.

You need to catch herpes from him and have him lie about how you got it.

You need to give your youth, beauty, money, and time to this relationship for years, then finally get divorced, hurting your children, losing your friends, and making your financial situation miserable. Then you'll see him parade around with some slut, pretending to be a great guy, while you struggle to raise your kids and wonder if you will ever be loved as a woman again.

Gosh Thriver, you are good!

Pianaka, seems crazy and cruel to say to you now but you have been given a wonderful gift. The truth.

Don't return it. Treasure it and give thanks.

-Jax

Planaka,
Listen, I am 54 years old, not bad lookin for an old lady, nevertheless, I just wasted my last 15 years of "pretty" on a lying cheating, yet adorable sweet, charming man.

The "pretty" come from the book, "He's Just Not That Into You", cant remember the author's name.

Read it...treqat it like gospel...it was written by a man who played the field for years..but...when he found the woman he married...he said it was amazing! he would no more risk losing her than he would cut off his arm! Think about honey, would you risk losing him...for an ego stroke or roll in the hay? Of course not!

I havent even mentioned the lying. i know how that works too. It is almost hypnotic, in the spell it casts on us. Especially when the lies are so bold! Your man will lie about ANYTHING! If you actually causght him in bed with someone else, he would stand up...naked...with a boner...and say..."what is there to explain"? I know because my husband is that same man. I think like this, "either the man I have trusted and believed for 15 (count them...15) years is a truly horrible person, willing to cause me to DOUBT MY SANITY rather than tell the truth. Wiling to cause YOU to DOUBT YOUR HOLD ON REALITY, rather than tell the truth!

Do not underestimate the lack of conscience and power that that has over you! It is one thing to accept that you BF had an affair, boys, will, after all, be boys, but that he will lie to your face when all the evidence contradict him? Honey, that is pathological and before you know it you will be in a padded cell not knowing up from down if you do not get a firm grip on something! Someone, even if it is us at DS, who will remind you over and over, you are not crazy!

Admittedly, he may not be doing this out of malice, just self preservation, but he is not caring about you and does not have your best interests at heart, in fact, he is concerned about only one thing, he wants to keep (you) the woman he has decided is wife material and his whores.

I am so sorry, i wish we both had happy endings. As you said, you are in your 20.s, there is still a chance for you. Take it!