DS friends healing is a day at a time process.

Realized this week that if my spirit, heart, mind & body are to heal I have to take time for me, and to grow as a person.

I have known true love, but moved away from that person because was afraid of losing my kids to my husband............we still talk, nearly every other day. He got married to someone else, but never has talked to "me" about his feelings. However, he's still been my friend, supported me, through all this with STBX. Now I know, true love and friendship. But............hurt pushed him to move away from me.............strength is found is past love, friendships, yourself, a day at a time.

The beauty of the way my friend treated me when we together, was awesome, but I hurt my relationship, and alot of time away from STBX & kids. Do I regret those times, yes and no. And now reflecting back is this why STBX is cheating now on me? Seriously think no, that this is his makeup, his person, and he has shown no remorse, no feelings and no hand to me to say he is sorry. My friend has never been cold to me or hurtful. When I've needed an ear, he has been there, when I've needed help through anything, he has been there, even though I really hurt him. Now he's remarried an on the West Coast...........and even when he visited a year ago, guess what, I chickened out, and told him I was too busy, but was scared to see him, there is a bond between us that words or time any another lady cannot define. So.............choose to stay away, so he can honor his vows to his new wife. I lost my best friend two years ago, and recently my STBX moved out, but when husband moved out, the pain he caused me has been perhaps the worst, and why? I do not think that true love was ever there, we perhaps were the marriage of convenience, two great kids, great jobs & income, two new cars & brand new custom house and very little support or love or good past history. So I wonder as I write this, why in the hell have I let myself get down, because when I saw my friend in the past, let myself and family down, but did know true love.

My friend even when he moved away was hurting, was still there for me, and guess who was first to help me when STBX moved out, yes, my very best friend..........and he's continued to help me, even when I know he's busy, he will spend time with me, so for that I'm thankful we met, so I know the true love two people can have together, how a man can really be when he touches, you ..........talks to you.........when we were together he always made me my favorite cup of coffee, and breakfast, and bought me silly special little gifts, like cool shampoo, or a neat necklace from a trip he'd come home from. These are the things I should have told my husband that I needed...........

but.......there was never that tight affection of bond, that my friend and I shared........and do not think even if STBX ever wanted to try, that my heart could muster an ounce of affection for him. He has hurt me to my core, and shaken my confidence in myself, my life and the security of my future.

But I'm healing a day at a time, guess what, this is the slimmest that I have been in probably 3 or four years, and it feels really good, even though weight loss from stress is not the best.......can feel that I want to start really working out, and although my heart feels very heavy some days, and if you were to ask how I am, you might bring tears to my eyes, and can honestly admit what would ever she in this other lady, she is not half the person that I am, she stole my life.....................but I thank her, because STBX is not the man he needed to be with me.........and she has taken him off my hands. My heart and mind and soul may not resy easy for a while, but am well on the way to healing....

I have met a new friend, and we are talking, will be ever be serious, maybe not, but in friendship, time, self reflecting they are helping me to heal as are my DS friends one day at a time.

Cheating is so complex, especially if you are one that has been involved as cheater, but when its done to you.........its much different, and is no joke..........who you are as person is torn apart, as is your belief in goodness and love. But I've known true love, and felt that special touch only someone that really loves you can do...........and time being, will be ready for that eventually :)