Hello, I am new here and am hoping to find someone who can maybe relate in some way to what I am going through. I was married for four years in what I thought was a secure relationship. About three weeks ago my husband came home and dropped a bomb on me, telling me that he was feeling guilty for kissing some random girl he met at Border\'s Bookstore. I was devastated. He told me it was someone he just met that day and had an instant connection with. He said he kissed her in the parkinglot as he walked her to her car. I felt in my heart that there was more to the story but he denied it whole heartedly. He said he loved me and was so sorry, but never said he wanted to work things out. He said he just realized at that moment when he kissed her, that he had been very unhappy all of these years with me and felt that maybe we were too different for things to work out. He described his feelings for her as euphoric. I knew that we were not communicating like we should in our marriage, but I did not see this coming at all. About a week later, after he told me what had happened, he went to stay with his mom. One week after that, on 11/6, he died suddenly while out on a jog. He was only 27 years old and in seemingly perfect health. The coroner could not find a conclusive cause of death and I have been told that it could take up to eight weeks for a full report. I was devistated by his death and still felt that there were many unresolved feelings that I could not deal with on my own. The day before he died we talked and he seamed really happy. He told me he was sorry for hurting me because I was so good to him and I did not deserve what he had done. I asked him again if he was seeing anybody and he said no. He still insisted that the person from Borders was a stranger and that he was working on sorting out his feelings for me. He told me he was starting counseling so that he could get me the answers that I deserved. Yesterday, I was paying the cell phone bill and came accross phone calls on his statement, beginning from when he went to stay with his mom. The calls lasted for up o five hours at a time. I called the number and spoke to her. She was the girl from Borders. But she was also a coworker who, according to her, he had told he was in love with the night they met up at Borders. She told me that they had become friends at work and she used to talk to him about her guy problems. She said she was curious why he never talked about me. She said that when she asked him about me, he stated that he didn\'t like to talk about his marriage because it was a sore subject. In the four years that we were married, he never once came to me and told me he was unhappy. He never once told me he wasn\'t getting what he needed from the relationship. At his memorial I poured my heart out about how much his life meant to me. I paid for 100% of the funeral. I said I wanted to honor him. He never honored me. He did not deserve me. He would not have done the same for me. The part that keeps running through my mind is that the people from his work knew about his fling with this girl, and they sat and listened to me pour my heart out at the service. At the wake, they were really distant with me and now I know why. I feel humiliated. I am absolutely devistated with anger sandness and grief. I have been betrayed by somebody who said he loved me. He is dead now and I can\'t talk to him. How can I find closure?
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