H is involved with someone else and isn't willing to give her up completely but says he wants to work on us. Says he really doesn't know what he wants and needs space and time. Has said he won't see her again...he said that before and went back on it. Says he will only have contact through IM...whatever...found out he still has the phone she gave him so they can talk without me knowing. Don't know where to go from here...we've had intimacy issues...I thought it was all my fault until I read 5 love langues and realized neither of us were getting what we needed and a circle began that we got caught up in. He says he loves me but isn't in love with me anymore. I agreed last week to let things go the way they were (him having limited contact with her as long as he didn't see her) but I realize now I can't do that. He blames everything on me, and I am willing to take my share of that blame, because I deserve it, but he was in this marriage too. He made his own decisions. I told him last night that I didn't see how we could make a marriage work when there were 3 people in it. I'm prepared to do the ultimate and tell him it's me or her. He's going through alot right now. His 10 year old daughter was killed in an accident 6 months ago. I've been trying so hard to be here for him in his grief, but he turned to her. (That's the first time they slept together..she had been sleeping with his married best freind before that). He actually acknowledged that her death has probably made him not think straight. This is the main reason I'm still here. I want to be here for him to help him through this. I love him too deeply to abandon him in the worst time of his life, but I also can't just allow myself to be in a marriage with someone who doesn't want me. He won't make the decision, do I need to make it for him? Or should I do what he has asked and just let things ride, knowing he is maintaining this relationship with her? I understand needing space, but I also believe that as long as he has her in his life (and he has told her he loves her, but told me she's no one he would ever marry) that there's no way we can really work on our marriage. So do I give him the ultimatum? I'm thinking it's time. I want so badly to protect him right now and ease his pain, but I honestly believe that trying to maintain this life he has is only adding to his stress. I need help desparately. I love this man with all my heart, and his pain tears me apart, but I need to to what's best for both of us.
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