My H also lost his daughter when he choose to defend his whore over his her not once but 4 times. Our daughter confronted her father about the affair the day before he confessed, he lied to protect his whore. When my daughter found out she called the women ugly names, my H cursed at her "how dare she call his friend names like that" Dah??? My H whore kept contacting him and begging him to come back. My daughter went to her work to tell her to stop, (I didn't know). The OW called my H and threaten to have my daughter arrested. My H protected the OW. My daughter knew where the OW lived, we were guest in her home before the affair (that was a lie). She found out the OW's house was for sale and told me. My H CALLED the OW to warn her that we might do something so for her to be on the look out. Can you believe that crap.
I never did one thing to his whore. But to this day she comes first.

My H also lost the respect of our son when he asked if he could go to a friends party instead of staying at our son's birthday party. My H really wanted to go spend time with his whore and didn't think our son would mind. My H also spent my son's entire family birthday dinner on the computer emailing his whore. We didn't find out about the affair until 4 days later.
To this day he has never appoligized to any of us. He walks around like he is the king and its up to us to make him happy. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. She always come first.

I doubt that he is happy. He has probably turned into a shell, to seem strong or unfazed, in order to continue this fantasy as part of his denial.

A shell cannot be happy. And when that shell crumbles, and he realizes that he has lost you and a child, you will see.

I hope so because is the same way...it's been 6 months and he seems like the happiest person in the world traveling and having a good old time, yet persuing the diovrce with a vengance like I was the one that cheated. Please let justice be swift and mighty!

By the question's you are asking it sounds likr to me that you are hoping that it will fail soon and come running back. Is my assumption correct?

This is perplexing, but not at the same time. You would think one who has cheated and lied and deliberately hurt someone would feel some kind of remorse, but that is not the case. My wife cheated and was very happy and upbeat and only gets upset when she admits he confessd the affair to me and ran back to his wife. But she's doing well-me, Im sick

No, not everyone who cheats is happy - just those who aren't remorseful!! I don't particularly like to be reminded of what I've done, but I'm certainly NOT happy about it. I'm just trying to move on with life the best that I can.

Kelly, it is quite likely that he is getting something wild from this other woman. He is also on his best behaviour (as she is with him). When their relationship settles down to normal, and they see each other warts and all, the wild passion part will likely fall apart.

It's easy to look "happy", but I agree that for most, it is a hollow shell, a quick high that will soon lead to a deep hangover. Focus on you!

You know, I wrote my husband a letter recently and gave it to him telling him that if he wants to he is free to go and I will be fine. But, if he wants to stay married, he is expected to be faithful and if he is not willing to do that, then I think it's better we both go our separate ways.

He wrote quite a letter back, telling me he's been thinking of killing himself a lot lately, that he's a bad person, etc. it seems he's quite miserable and hurting more than I realized. I know the feeling like we suffer and our cheating spouses seem so happy. I wanted to tell you this so you'd know that your stbx may be a lot more miserable than he seems. Also, these marriages that began out of affairs have like a 90 some percent failure rate, so they have a lot of problems coming at them. If he's remotely happy now with the situation, i doubt it will last long. His little fairy tale will come crumbling down probably a lot sooner than he'd ever imagine. And the whore will get her share of misery too. Don't let their happy act fool you, this will be awful for them sooner or later if it isn't already.

For right now, be concerned about yourself. Love yourself, take great care of yourself. The best revenge you can get on them is to go our and live your life. I know it hurts and it does take time to heal. But, you can help yourself through this time and you're doing a good thing by being in this support group. DS has helped me a lot. Also, so has counseling and antidepressants and meeting a new group of people from meetup.com. It can help to lean on friends and family some too and you've always got friends here to support you.