Part of it may very well be depression. You should talk to your doctor. You may need something for a while just to get you through this. And, no, you are not 'just feeling sorry for yourself." You have been traumatized. I think most of us here probably have Posttraumatic Stress Syndrome. I heard it defined in a legal setting and I thought, "That is EXACTLY how I feel." It is going to take a lot of time to feel even halfway normal for even a little while. Your husband should get on DS and read about some of us that are still struggling after 18 months, and some way longer than that. I assume this is pretty new for you. It will get better with time, and your husband is right about one thing. You do need to try to concentrate on the positive, but you are not "just feeling sorry for yourself."

How long has it been? It's over 2 yrs for me and it's better, but when things are very low it surfaces. I have felt sorry for myself at times and I'm definitely battling depression myself. Do you consider yourself depressed? Hugs to you. I can relate to how you feel. I wish I could make it all go away but I had to come to terms with reality and accept it! It has been hard and never having security again is very hard to deal with. Trust is regained VERY slowly unfortunately.

this is what betrayal by the very person who vowed to love and protect you for the rest of your life, does to you. it makes you feel like you are going crazy and that you no longer have control over your life or your mind. i know exactly where you are and i totally feel your pain.

my doctor took one look at me several months ago and asked me was i okay. i told him about the affair and child and he was shocked. he prescribed me a medication for depression/anxiety, but i could not bring myself to take it. i was worried that i would not be able to control what little i had left. i wanted to be able to handle life without the use of meds. i am not downing anyone who did use meds to cope with this because i totally understand why they would, i just did not think it was right for me. talk to your doctor and see what he can do for you. i wish you the best.

My god these men totally take the piss. 12 weeks after he says he cant remember anything oly when i talk about it so its best to forget. Its tru what Ginab said it is Post traumatic stress disorder- flashbacks and involuntary thoughts are part of that and it is brought on by shock and what a shock we have had x

I wondered myself if it would be like PTSD. It's the most traumatic thing I ever went thru but girls listen to me don't ever think it's the worst (as I did) b/c when I lost my angel and held his little lifeless body in my hand it really was worse! I try to work on gratitude for all that I do have in this life. Hugs to everybody.

First, Breea, I am so sorry for your loss and to now be dealing with infidelity. how very difficult this must be for you!

MKO,
Your husband has a lot of nerve blaming YOU for anything!! He is lucky to have been given a second chance and his only goal in life right now, should be to offer you empathy, support and with humility, help you to recover from this trauma.

Having said that, none of the hspouses do this perfectly, but I want YOU to believe it! Then if he does not approve of the time it is taking for you to "get over it!", you can calmly say, "That is certainly not a very empathetic response. Please leave me alone, I will call a friend for support if you do not feel up to doing what you promised you would do!"

Or, if you are not that type, just say, "So sorry, I am sure you could handle my sleeping with another man much better. Please leave me alone for a few minutes while I pull myself together and put on a happy face!"

Whatever you do, keep in touch with DS. Listen to those above me, they are correct, your h is wrong. Trayma of this magnatude takes years, not months to fully recover from, according to some experts. Think about anti-depressants, many use them for a while after a trauma, I do.
Consider counseling, you need to be validated and for someone to take your feelings seriously. Lean on others, if he is unavailable but also think about making him be accountable. There are many bools on relationships that have been devastated by an affair. Get one that speaks to you. Ask him to read it so that he might be able to understand you better.

Lots of love
Nave

you know I really don't think that what you're going through is a pity party. It sounds like a woman scorned. I mean it's hard enough that the man that vowed his life to you cheated, but then so close to home as a best friend. I am so sorry that you are going through this kind of gut wrenching pain. If you feel like you are sliping deeper and not getting better I do think you should get some professional help. You really can't expect your husband to really get it because you weren't screwing his best boy, lord knows if the shoe was on the other foot he would be having more than a pity party. I say never let a person rush your healing. But if it's been yrs and you are still dragging like it just happend then it's bigger than just a pity party it might be depression. Depression is nothing to play with. It's like a black hole that will swallow you whole...ask me how I know??..yeah been there got the tee shirt. maybe if you both get some marital help it will help him to be more sensitive to your hurt and feelings of betrayal. It might just be me but he seems like the kind of man that says if you have a comfortable life with a lot of stuff then what do you have to complain about. He needs to understand that life is more than stuff. I wish you well and much healing.