Just re read my post and wanted to clarify,I dont WANT him to punch her, but I wouldnt stop him.
Also he was really crying real tears because I asked to meet him everyday.
Also I ment not have feelings for the bitch not now have feelings for the bitch. Damn that wine hit me hard, hope I didnt confuse anyone:)

You will feel crazy for a while. GO with it. YOU will experience mood swings..anger, depression, crying jags, anger, self pity, low self esteem, MORE anger, betrayal..all in an hour! YOu need time to get back on an even keel and the swings will subside.

I wish I could help but im in the same place. What do you believe or not believe. He is still currently lying to me about even the stupidest stuff. I dont understand. Ive started drinking everyday to ease the pain, i know i shouldnt but i dont know what else to do. I know your pain.

are we this stupid?? its all lies and if its not it was lies before!!! omg i got played so hard my ass is sore!!! ive never felt so stupid!!!! hes a cheater !!!! and a lier!!!

Yes, mine too. The lies are real stupid ones also, like minimizing the time he spent with her...like it really matter! for God's sake, what is he trying to convince himself of? Like if I only stayed at her house for 20 minutes, not three hours, then ...WHAT...she didnt get enough time to get off! He is really stuck on this tonight. Just something he is fucking his own head about because I certainly have no doubt that he spent as much time as he wanted to. why lie?

Always when there is betrayal there are lies...
They have to think of ways to tell you that they are working, or in other things, etc.. and they can be so creative about them...
I feel that I was so stupid to believe him and never question the time he spent working, etc...
I now know why...because I felt that he was like me... honest and straight forward..... I also didn't realize that he had so many lusts..
I guess, most of us here have been honest in our marriage and relationships... That is why we can't understand someone who is not..

My H continues to minimise the affair. I question and question him in hopes of understanding but i dont. He said he told her he loved her to shut her up? This is a thousand piece puzzle- he holds all the pieces and has given 500 of them to me and they will never fit together because i wasnt there. He thinks my 500 pieces should be enough to complete the puzzle what a jerk

Why do we all have to know what happend. I've been there I've asked the questions and the truth hurts. Knowing does not help the healing process it makes it worse. Every answer just gives you more to dwell on. As far as your problem Heather "Once a cheater always a cheater" Have a look around the board at how many people are the victims of multiple affairs.

My husband also told me lies to the point I have zero trust. I am 100% sure he will continue to betray me. Without basic trust there can be no relationship. It took about 6 months of discovering lie after lie, and thinking I was going crazy before I hit rock bottom & got to this point. I think mine tells the lies simply because he enjoys it. Also the truth is just too uncomfortable, even when I know what is going on. I believe he is incapable of telling the truth. It's no longer an option. I'll find proof, letters to her, with blatant sex descriptions, and he'll deny. I'll overhear a phone conversation & he tells me I don' t know what I heard. But he tells me he loves me & wants to be married & will never leave. How bizarre. I'm sorry Heather, this is a crap place to be & you are NOT going crazy. You have every right to be angry. I wish I could offer some helpful advice, but I can only commiserate. You don't want to believe that someone who told you they loved you & stood up in front of family & friends & made a vow would do this to you. And the worst part is there are kids involved so you try to do the best for them even as you feel you are betraying yourself by putting up with this garbage. Then your friends & family all tell you to leave & you have to justify staying. Ugh. I'm sorry. What a crap place to be.

I would first of all like to say...stop drinking! I tried that at first and it made things worse. My mind started going all kinds of crazy places. I was thinking emotionaly and not logicaly. My counselor recommended Lexapro and now I think with my brain and not my emotions. I know the answers to some of the questions I want to ask him are just going to hurt me more, so I don't ask unless it bothers me for more than 48 hours. That's my rule. Anything else that I know the answer to, I don't ask because it will just hurt more to either 1. hear him lie to me or 2. hear the truth about what they did or how he feels about her. The Lexapro has helped me control my emotions so I can do what is best and what is healthy for me. Don't get me wrong, I still have my emotional times but I don't do self destructive things like I did before. For example, I used to go back and look at the phone records everyday and get my self worked up everyday about how much he called her or where he was supposed to be at that time or the fact that they talked for 2 hours at a time. But now when I am tempted to go back and look at the old phone records, I stop and think what is that going to do...I have already seen everything, the only thing that is going to do is hurt me and cause me to hurt our relationship. Now I do still keep a check on the current phone records to make sure there is nothing new!

I don't know why they feel like they must still lie but what is important right now is that you think with your brain and not your emotions and do what is right and healthy for YOU! Take care of yourself first and foremost. Once you do that, things will be clearer and you will see what you need to do for YOU!

Ahhh..Me too!! I think he is trying, but we go through this BS,I asked him what did OW2 mean to him and why did he get in contact with her after 4 years of no contact WHAT SO EVER. he tell's "she ment nothing, she was just a F***." but in the very same sentence "I was concerned about" WHAT !!!! This has put a big wall up in our relationship, and I told him I refuse to try anymore at this point. I'm the one letting him stay, I'm the going to a cousnelor with him because of WHAT HE DID, I'm the one dealing with the lies and pain. NOW IT's HIS TURN, he needs to figure out just whay is the truth and give it to me, one thing for sure he has always liked the best of both worlds, the single world * the married world, well he's not getting both worlds now, it's either STOP with the lies and be honest, or be liar and get OUT !!! Good Luck,

Heather and Tears,
I agree with Tears, 100%. I am letting go of trying to get to the truth. He KNOWS that I WLL NOT stay in a deceitful marriage. It is upo to him now, as I finally decided that I could forgive and take him back.

That is ok. I needed tom know and be honest about where I stand. Now, he must deal with the silly minimizing crap or I will leave next year without him. I have told him, now I will shut up and wait.

All the lies and feeling crazy is a sign of being emotionally abused. Emotional abusers are masters of manipulation and will tell you so many lies and half truths that you don't know what to believe any more. Psychiatrists call it "gas lighting". It is a method of control and manipulation and it can be easy to fall victim too ... particularly when you love the person doing it to you. The selfishness of cheaters and abusers is rampant in society today ... good luck.

Thank you all for your truthful replies. I started the day questioning him again. I know I will never get all the awnsers I want and I dont think anything he could tell me will ever stop my need to know everything. I can say I give up, no more 3rd degree but it would be a lie and I am too into the truth right now to compromise myself!!

Just as a little FYI, I found this:

"Gaslighting is a slang term from the 1950s but is the perfect word to describe one tactic of the abuser. The dictionary definition of gaslighting is to drive someone crazy. This is used to keep the abusers victim under control. The abuser will swear that events never occurred and that certain things were never said. The victim knows better, but over time will begin to question their sanity. Be alert to gaslighting tactics that can beat you down and make you think you are going insane."