Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
as most of you here know, my husband carried on a 4 year affair and had a child with his mistress. well this weekend while we were out shopping for our son my husband received a call and when i asked who it was he said it was his sister. his conversation with her was basically a few words and then"thank you" and he hung up. i asked him what she wanted and he told me that she called to tell him about a sale on shoes. so i left it alone. we go into toys r us and we were buying our son a vsmile video game. i told my husband that we should get a second controller so he picks up a pink one. i question why he is buying our son a pink controller and he ask "why does it matter what color it is." of course he was getting it for his daughter, for whenever she visits and in a selfish moment i said "this is his christmas gift." i got over that quickly and moved on (the controller cost more than he thought so he left it there anyway.)
as we leave the toy store he ask me was i okay and when i replied yes he told me that he needed to call his childs mother and i said "fine" he asked to call from my cell phone-because i won't let her have his cell number. so he calls and by the way his conversation went i was suspicious. when he hung up i asked what was wrong (childs hand was smashed in the door and may be broken-they were at the E.R.) anyway i said to him, you already knew that didnt you-he said NO i did not know that. anyway i found out that his sister and his mistress are communicating. i have asked him several times in the past is his family involved with his mistress and he said no-they said that they would stay out of it until he decided to bring his child around.
another lie-and i have had it. he says he lied because i get upset everytime this child is mentioned-has he forgotten that she has been to our house about 5 times and i have been the one she follows around and i have been the one who takes care of her. i am so sick of him, his family and his baby's moma. i am looking for work and for an apartment for me and my son. i refuse to let them continue to do this to me.
oh one more thing-i give his whore my cell phone number so that if anything was wrong or if the child could not go to school for any reason i would keep her-i have to look at her fucking face everytime we pick this child up and he gives her an out-she does not have to face me and what she did to me-she gets to call his family to get thru to him and the last time i checked-he sleeps with me not his sister. what do you think about this? (sorry so long)
as we leave the toy store he ask me was i okay and when i replied yes he told me that he needed to call his childs mother and i said "fine" he asked to call from my cell phone-because i won't let her have his cell number. so he calls and by the way his conversation went i was suspicious. when he hung up i asked what was wrong (childs hand was smashed in the door and may be broken-they were at the E.R.) anyway i said to him, you already knew that didnt you-he said NO i did not know that. anyway i found out that his sister and his mistress are communicating. i have asked him several times in the past is his family involved with his mistress and he said no-they said that they would stay out of it until he decided to bring his child around.
another lie-and i have had it. he says he lied because i get upset everytime this child is mentioned-has he forgotten that she has been to our house about 5 times and i have been the one she follows around and i have been the one who takes care of her. i am so sick of him, his family and his baby's moma. i am looking for work and for an apartment for me and my son. i refuse to let them continue to do this to me.
oh one more thing-i give his whore my cell phone number so that if anything was wrong or if the child could not go to school for any reason i would keep her-i have to look at her fucking face everytime we pick this child up and he gives her an out-she does not have to face me and what she did to me-she gets to call his family to get thru to him and the last time i checked-he sleeps with me not his sister. what do you think about this? (sorry so long)
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I think this is almost too much to bear for anyone. Not only have you had to come to grips with his affair and hiding things from you, but now his family. I understand they want to see the childbut this should have been discussed as a family.
Youll know when you have had enough. If this is it, you have certainly given your all. Any regrets left to settle will be on his end.
I am sorry, good luck.
-Jax
Can you tel him that due to his dishonesty he is driving you away?
you have gone through the embarassment if I remember right of her being born at the hospital where you were working..
you have given him the greatest gift by staying with him and now you are trying to be a part of his daughters life ...
I know how difficult this has been on you and yes you would have been upset about the phone call but he should have been honest with you...
sometimes they just don`t get by trying to spare us pain and stuff they are doing more harm then good...
my heart goes out to you esepcially as the holidays are coming up...also on a side note I hope that the little girl`s hand is ok...
as for his family sometimes they are strange my h`s dad had a girl from an affair and his mom and he denied this child....h`s dad died before paternity could be established and neither my H or his sister( to another woman none the less) will accept that this is their sister...
so I guess it just depends on the family on how they handle a child from the ow
I couldn't do what you are doing...
If they were a child from my husband's adultery, I would get a legal separation.
He would never be able to marry her, but the property would be divided and I would go on with my life...
A child would just have pushed me to far to ever forgive and live with him...
Good luck to you and God bless!!
firstly, I agree with all of the above, you are a saint. being a saint isnt all it is cracked up to be I know.
I have a suggestion. Try NoT being a saint. Tell your husband that you no longer feel that this arrangement is working out. Have him visit with his daughter at his sisters and let HER change diapers. And tell his sister to stay the hell out of your and your husbands life. The woman has your number, for an emergency, it does not have to go thru channels like secret code. She can call you and you can tell your husband.
Babysitting, when the child is ill, No, the bitch can find her own sitter.
Your life should be disrupted as little as possible. When the two children are older, maybe they can have play dates, at the sisters house. Right now your son does not need the confusion and you do not need the heartache.
In 2 or 3 years, if your husband is sincere and does not screw up again, you may be fine with things changing. Sometimes a few years can change things so much. While you are still raw, I think you and your son might be better off not having this in your face all the time.
Just my opinion. My therapist said to me one time, "he (my husband) will never be too unselfish and you will never be to selfish". What she meant is, it is in our nature to give until it hurts. she was suggesting that I resist that impulse and ask more...a lot more...of him. I have and it is staring to feel right. He is starting to think of me...not just himself...and that is good for him to learn. I am beginning to see that I deserve to meet my own needs, not to meet opthers needs at my expense.
Just a thought
I do agree with Nave. Try not to over stress yourself. Perhaps now is not the time to be dealing w/ keeping this child at your home. Your husband and his family could attempt to find a way to accomodate for his visitation w/o you being the one facilitating it. It's not your responsibilty.