I have suspected for quite a few months that my wife of 18 years was having an affair but had always hoped I was wrong. After recieving a couple of anonymous notes in my mailbox I decided to install a GPS tracking device in her vehicle. It only took 3 days and I found out my worst fears were true. Saturday night I sat outside of the home of her lover with her vehicle in the driveway as she told me over the phone that she was having dinner with a friend. After the crying and anger I saw an attorney on Monday and put financial guards in place. My main concern was our 2 teenage daughters. I have a troubled 16 year old and a fragile 14 year old.
Monday evening I confronted her with the evidence I had maps, dates, times, ect. I had a picture of her lover. Knew where he worked, etc. She was shocked at how much I knew about them. I thought I was ready to live my life without her.
She tried placing the blame on me. That I never showed her the attention she needed, etc. Even though if that was true I was not going to take responsibility for her decision to cheat. I told her if it was that bad, she should have just left or asked me to leave.
As our conversation went into the early morning hours I found myself standing on the cliff. Do I want her out of my life? I decided right then that I wanted to try to reconcile. I told her I was going to open myself up to be hurt again, but if I never gave it another try I would regret if for the rest of my life. She agreed and now we are going to try and work through this.
In August I had a severe illness that put me in the hospital for 10 days (4 in ICU). I woke up after a couple days with a tube down my throat. The surgeon said he was surprised I made it. My recovery took 4 months, but I'm healthy for the first time in many years. I am not a religous man, but consider this a second chance and a gift from God.
A gift from God is very precious thing. I told my wife we are getting one and we both need to help each other through this. I know it's not going to happen over night and that there will be some bumps along the way. In time I could forgive her, but will not forget what she did. But right now I am filled with hope that this will work out.
Six months ago I know I would have followed through and kicked her to the curb.
Things are so hard. I try so hard. Things are just so hard, I hate physical pain so so much. I feel so down, so beaten up by life. To say I feel defeated feels an understatement what am I doing, why am I even still trying
So I’m sure I’ll figure it out but the previous nights sleep was unsettled of too hot too cold sessions. Then today anxiety and feelings of such despair as well as last words in my head. Wondering how long this period will continue. I suppose I’ll just crawl off and fall asleep with hope to not awaken at all tonight. I should eat but really why bother, I’ve fed son and he has had his meds...