My husband and I got married in June 2010 after being engaged for 22 months. We had been dating for 8 months prior to that. We waited so long to get married because for the first year of our relationship we were in a LDR, and once I moved to be with him our first year was very busy with me starting up a new practice, the death of his father, and a major surgery he had to go through. Plus it was better financially for our families. When we had been together for 6 months, I was tipped off anonymously that something was going on with him and someone named "Don." I checked his email and found that he had placed an ad online to meet a guy for a discrete encounter, and ended up to writing one several times. They were about to meet. I confronted him (although did not tell him I'd seen all the emails) on the phone, and as we were on the phone and he was denying it, he deleted all the emails and then the email account as well. Since he did end it, I decided to forgive him. Early July, he accidentally found a printout I had made of the emails, as a reminder to myself not to continuously forgive him if this turned into a pattern. He threw it away, told me after the trash had been collected, and we have been fighting ever since. He continues to deny everything and claims he was framed. I wish I could believe him but there was too much in the emails that no one else would have known. We are starting counseling this week. I just don't know what to do. I had forgiven him before because in the emails to this guy, he had said it was just something he wanted to try, that he was about to get engaged and that once he was engaged that was something he never intended to let happen again. And then he ended it with him, and I've monitored him pretty closely, and although there was one minor flirtation last year it didn't go anywhere. But the fact that he immediately destroyed the email without talking to me, and now keeps denying and coming up with excuses and explanations, it's really eroding my faith in our marriage. We had talked about wanting to TTC soon after getting married, I really want children soon (turning 31 next month, no kids yet) but I don't want to bring a child into this situation. We're fighting every day, he keeps bringing it up even though I've asked him to wait till we see the counselor on Thursday, he screamed at me so loud yesterday on the phone that I had to hold it away from my ear. He says he will admit to it if that's what I need to move forward but that's not really the truth. But I know what I saw. I do tend to have trouble forgiving people anyway, and it's really hard for me to when he won't admit what he did. Is it possible to put aside issues like this and move on with the marriage when the unfaithful person won't even take responsibility?
Posts You May Be Interested In