Hi, I just found this site and am hoping maybe it can help my pain. I will start from the beginning. I am 28yrs old and have been married to my high school sweetheart for 5yrs. We have been together for a total of 11yrs. We have a beautiful 3 1/2 yr old daughter. About 2yrs ago my husband met some new friends and began going out a lot. He would go to the shop where his friends work to help them then go to clubs later. It did make me mad but I trusted him. In May of 07 I found out he had cheated on me a few times with a good friend of mine. I found out a few months after the affair had stopped. He did apologize and we agreed to stay together. It's crazy to I always said and even told him if he ever cheated on me I'd be gone. Well, the going out did stop for almost a year probably only because the girls boyfriend wanted to kick his butt. We sold our house in December of 07 because I could not live there knowing she had sex with him in my home on my couch with our daughter asleep in the next room while I was at work. I thought for sure the new house and new year of 08 would be better. Well, it wasn't. He then had new friends and was going out every Fri Sat night again. I always told him I didn't mind it but I to would like to go but was never invited. And, most of the time its 10 or 11pm when he decides to go out and it is to late to get his parents or mine to stay with our dauhter. Than a few months ago it began to be like 3 or 4am and still not home. We argued all the time about it. I would tell him hes a married man and that it is not right. He figures he makes the money and pays all the bills he can do what he wants. Well, on Jan 3rd of this yr he went out after I told him not to and it was like 4am and still not home. I guess I kinda lost it finally and told him I think we needed to seperate because I couldnt take it anymore sitting here every night by myself I was so lonely. He agreed and never argued me on it. He went to his parents to stay. We would talk a bit everyday and seemed like nothing. He said for some reason he does better when were apart and doesnt have to deal with me pretty much. That really hurt me because I love being with him. I found out this past Friday he was out again but this time with some girl. I was so mad and asked him and he just said hes not seeing anyone its just random girls he meets and talks to. I asked him if he has had sex with anyone and he said no. So like the dumb ass I am we ended up being alone together at his parents and had sex. Monday I went to his parents to drop off our daughter before I went to work. I decided to try and talk to him alone because I have been just miserable since he left and just sit here and cry and cry and can't sleep or even concentrate on anyhting. He really didnt say much just that he was enjoying being free as he put it. I told him that we are still married and only been apart 3wks and that its wrong hes already talking to girls. Makes me sad he can just be over me so fast and not care about my feelings. And, his main thing with me is he thinks I don't work enough or make enough money. I do have a job as a nurse tech its a 7p-11p position and am in school full time and take care of our daughter. So, it is hard for me to work a 40hr job. Well anyways, Monday before I left his parents I went out to our car to get something and found a open box of condoms. I was so pissed I ran inside and thru it at him and just started yeling at him. I had just asked him the previous day about sex and he said no. Than had the awfullness to have sex with me like nothing. He won't tell me anything like who, when or where. We have not spoken or seen each other since our big fight Monday night. I did throw all his stuff in our front living room and noticed tonight while I was at work he came here and took all his stuff down to some framed art and our new tv from our room. I just feel so lost, hurt and confused. I don't know how to make myself stop loving him. I hate him for what he has put me thru and breaking up our family. But I still love him. I wish I didn't. I have never felt this sad or depressed in my life. I do have a therapist that I have been seeing since the first time he cheated but it doesnt help. I just want to stop crying and be able to sleep again. I do not know what to do or think. I feel so lost and numb and disgusting. I so badly want to stop loving him but as much as I am hurting I can't stop thinking about him. I did get a name of a attorney but can't bring myself to call and file for divorce. Any input would be appreciated. I feel so horrible that my little girl has to go through this. Everyday and night she asks for her daddy and I just say hes at work. I have no clue what to tell her it breaks my heart even more. I just sit here still thinking of him and driving myseld nuts thinking if hes with a girl or what if he wants to marry her or what if he gets someone pregnant. Thank you for listening to my long message. So I guess basically I want to know if its possible to just stop loving him? I know i will never remarry and risk going through this again. I dont even have and never have had any urge to even look or flirt with another guy. It breaks my heart knowing he can move on so easily.
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