
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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My H was the one who had the affair, and he claims that he wishes that he could take all my pain away. He claims that he loves me, that he needs me and the kids, that he would be lost without us. But yesterday we were looking at Maxxum magazine and there was a joke in it:
A man comes home to discover his wife in bed with another man and says," What the f**k are you doing?" The wife looks at the OM and says," See I told you he was stupid!"
He started laughing, thought it was funny! I got up and bolted from the room, even now it makes me physically ill! He came after me and apologized, he said," I have to laugh because that could be me someday!"
So what I am wondering does this sound like a man who is actually sorry, or is he just playing the part, and accidently let me see how he really feels?
A man comes home to discover his wife in bed with another man and says," What the f**k are you doing?" The wife looks at the OM and says," See I told you he was stupid!"
He started laughing, thought it was funny! I got up and bolted from the room, even now it makes me physically ill! He came after me and apologized, he said," I have to laugh because that could be me someday!"
So what I am wondering does this sound like a man who is actually sorry, or is he just playing the part, and accidently let me see how he really feels?
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When I bring up the pain my husband has caused me, he seems to behave as if it is brand new information. They do put the shame and guilt away because they cannot deal with it all of the time. I understand that, in a way, but at the same time, since I cannot put it away, I feel like he needs to be reminded, as you did, of how much it hurts from time to time.
I dont think your husband is not remorseful, he just is not remorseful all of the time. that is what we must understand and I personally have a very difficult time with it.
if they had not been able to escape from their consciences, they would not have been able to cheat. That is why most of those who have been betrayed, dont cheat. Our conscience is relentless. As Andi said, it is called compartmentaliazation and it is a defense against feeling pain. You can look up compartmentalization on the internet. It has something to do with the ability to disassociate from one's feelings and I guess, beliefs and do things that are out of character. I dont trust that someone with this ability is capable of resisting their impulses when they are strong, as they can just tune out parts of their mind.
Apparently, to be aware and concious all or most of the time, is not the norm for them. I do not understand because I cannot stay away from my pain or conscience. I guess their are just different types of defences.