Sounds like he is trying to make light of the situation, maybe even punish himself a bit by bringing it up. But, it was in poor taste given the circumstances. Maybe he's learned.

My W cheated on me, but I have been very careful to avoid any snide remarks. I'm just not a mean person. However, she has made some demeaning remarks about herself.

Besides, why must society make light of this sort of tragedy. It hurts like hell and yet it is all laughs on the sitcoms.

You have hit on one of my new pet peeves. I hate when comedians and sitcoms make jokes out of cheating. It really is not funny. I'm sorry he was insensitive. I'm sure he was trying to deflect something and make light of things.

My husband is trying too. He tell's me how sorry he is and that he loves me now more then ever because he see's how much I love him by sticking it out with him..then he say's something really stupid, ruins it and makes me cry...and it hits him that it hurt. i just think he is clueless to how I feel & how deeply he did hurt me, but I truely think he is trying. Good luck.

ok, let's put our emotion's aside for a few. Before you found out that your husband cheated on you would you have found that joke funny? Yes, it's off humor but the reason Maxim published it is becasue it's funny to most people. Ok-the emotional side. What your feeling is completely natural and justified. You're allowed to be hurt and sensitive to what happened to your world. I would have probably reacted the exact same way you have. For our H's to have chated on us they had to "compartmentalize" not only their lives but emotions. It would not surprise me if your H has done that. To function he's had to beable to put his feelings of intense guilt and shame away. For those who are still trying to deal with the betrayal do not know how. Your H has made a bad choice in laughing at a joke at your expence. It's up to you if you want to let him off that hook. Good luck

I'm not trying to blame Maxim for my husband's insensitivity, that really has nothing to do with it, other than providing the lame joke. My problem is with the fact that my H is always saying if he could make my pain go away he would, that he loves me and wishes that he never hurt me. But then laughs so hard at that joke, it's not just insensitive, but also it makes me believe that he really doesn't regret, that he really isn't sorry, and that he really thinks I'm stupid! He is the one who begged me for another chance, and from his reaction I feel like it's just all an act and he is only sorry that he got caught!

Have you talked to him about it? When my husband has made an insensitive comment and I let him know, he feels really bad. He admits to just trying to lighten the mood, I tend to respond to sarcasm (most of the times). He is now trying to monitor his words.

My H makes light of it too and, yes, THAT IS very painful. It hurts seeing them still laugh and enjoy humor and relaxation while we could just die inside. Right now, I'm in a good spot with my dealing with his infidelity. So, when I read the joke you're speaking of..I chuckled. And reading that he is sorry and how he wishes he could take your pain away; I wish you could hold on to that thought instead of trying to find something else that might night be there. Enjoy the moment when you feel his love and he says he loves you and the kids. I don't think he meant anything of it. I hope things work out for you..take care

Sounds to me like he lacks sincerity. A person who is not very in touch with what he's done and how it has effected the both of you. Be careful!!!! Men always tell you what they think you want to hear to get out of conflict. I'm sure he wants to mean he's truly sorry, but he lacks the capacity to really be remorseful and sincere.

So, sorry you are going through this!!! Been there. Take care of YOU!!!!!

S,
When I bring up the pain my husband has caused me, he seems to behave as if it is brand new information. They do put the shame and guilt away because they cannot deal with it all of the time. I understand that, in a way, but at the same time, since I cannot put it away, I feel like he needs to be reminded, as you did, of how much it hurts from time to time.

I dont think your husband is not remorseful, he just is not remorseful all of the time. that is what we must understand and I personally have a very difficult time with it.

if they had not been able to escape from their consciences, they would not have been able to cheat. That is why most of those who have been betrayed, dont cheat. Our conscience is relentless. As Andi said, it is called compartmentaliazation and it is a defense against feeling pain. You can look up compartmentalization on the internet. It has something to do with the ability to disassociate from one's feelings and I guess, beliefs and do things that are out of character. I dont trust that someone with this ability is capable of resisting their impulses when they are strong, as they can just tune out parts of their mind.

Apparently, to be aware and concious all or most of the time, is not the norm for them. I do not understand because I cannot stay away from my pain or conscience. I guess their are just different types of defences.

Thanks for all the replies! I'm not looking for ways to start conflict with my H. I love him, and most of the time I feel that he loves me. He does fight for me everytime that I have kicked him out for this. He has been more active in our family, and he is being a better father. My problem is that when he laughed at the joke, it makes me feel that he is less than sincere about his remorse and his guilt, and that he is really not aware of how much pain I am in. I guess I just had hoped he was truely beginning to understand.

Nave- I am kinda dealing with that now. I believe my H is genuinely sorry, and I think he is very hurt over what he did to me. But, they are able to separate things, its like a survival tactic. We on the other hand deal with it everyday, we cant separate it because it is not separate. I guess I need to keep reminding myself of this... I too am afraid of moving on because I do not want him to think he has made up for what he did. He will never be able to erase my pain. Anywho... Shoe- I think we need to learn how the H functions... We come from totally different planets, and when I remember how they act, it helps me to not take things personally. They dont think like we do... I think your H is just dealing with the situation by lightening up the mood b/c otherwise he'd be left to face the reality of what he did, and that is just too painful for him. We may seem emotional about things, but I see it as being much stronger than they are... I mean we have to face it, and we get through it, day by day.

I tend to agree w/falling.