no once can tell you to leave. I can tell you that you do not deserve that. Some men are just pigs and will never treat a woman right. Get help for yourself. Counseling, your preacher if you go to church. Abuse is wrong. Mental, physical, emotional. Be strong and get help!

Go to counseling and start being brutally honest with yourself and this situation. You are never going to be able to control him. Can you live with what is really there and not some idealized version that you've been hoping for? Start focusing on how you feel as things really are. I lived way too long with a serial cheater and I wouldn't wish that hell on anyone, but I can't tell you when to leave, either. It has to feel right to you. Start thinking of your own mental health and gather the strength to make a healthy choice. ((((HUGS))))

Dottie, we forgive for US not for them to set ourselves free of mental anguish.
Wishing you beautiful thoughts and should an unwelcome entity step into your space shout her out!...it's your movie

You don't have to keep on forgiving, you have no obligation to do that. But you do have an obligation to yourself to protect yourself from mental abuse and serial cheating.

Hi thanks for your reply....
It's so hard because he is a Jeckle and Hide personallity.
He is a my best friend, a good provider,we can laugh together, I can't emagine life without him in it. On the other hand he is a cheater without remorse , never says I'm sorry.
I have been getting mental health support for the last 6 years. But every time he screws up I take two steps back.

The crazy thing of it all I I was giving someone else advice on a story like mine I would say run for your life. But for me I don't think I would survive without him. I suffer from Agoraphobia and can not leave my house alone. He is my safe person to get out of the house. He is the one who I talk to about lifes problems. This is the only topic we doesn't discuss in detail with me. I am on disability also, so financially I could not survive alone nor could I emotionally live alone.

Hi thank you for your respnse
I don't think I am forgiving him as much as I am just trying to forget it ever happened. In my heart I have never forgiven. You see when I catch him he turns the guilt on me giving me the silent treatment and never says I'm sorry. I end up breaking the silent with a lecture to him how this must not happen again or we are done but history repeats it's self over and over again.

Please talk to a counsellor. No one should have to live with abuse and together you can figure out a way for you to survive financially without him. Perhaps you can find a way to work from home?

I am pretty much in the same situation as you

If there's mental abuse. You go. Go quickly, and do not look back.

sounds like he is taking you for granted literally like he knows you will never go anywhere and if you did,you would come right back...therefor the worse that will happen is you will get angry but nothing more.He thinks you are totally codependent so you dont have a choice to leave. do you have kids...if so he really can have that opinion easily bec that is alot of responsibility,if you dont...start now working somewhere and saving up money...if you cant get a job now,start saving any money you can get your hands on from your joint money and keep putting it away until you can leave and find a job....but start making plans to take care of yourself bec if he wont stop cheating..one day he may not come back and you need to be at the very least prepared or if you get a job...you may very well figure out you can do this alone and leave and find someone that values you. That all is easy to say than do but as a friend told me...something just a dramatic has to happen for him to take notice...and/or you have to realize your future is on egg shells and you need to plan a escape latter if it catches on fire.

When I was in your situation, or something similar, only a couple of years ago, someone sent me the Clown story. I cant remember the exact words, but it is about someone who goes to a house at the same time each day looking for the clown. She knocks on his door, and each day he opens it and beats her in the head. But she keeps going back, because she feels that if she says something, or does something different, he will understand her and stop beating her and be nice to her. But each day he beats her no matter. And then on the last day, he does not even answer his door, so she goes looking for him further - she is looking for him, in a way, asking for him to beat her up again.
In essence, by staying with this man, who treats you so poorly, you are enabling him. You are giving him the right to keep doing it.

I know, you wont be able to make the move until you are ready. No one person can tell you when to make the move and go. It took me nearly 2 years. But i did, and although it was hard, and i still have the odd hard day, I did it. Use what you have in the way of counselling or womens support groups to get you the help you need. And stick to your guns. No one deserves anything in their lives other than the best.
Be, what God, or whoever, set you on this earth to be - kind, generous, self loving and self respecting. Dont become who this beast of a man is trying to make you believe you are.
If you want some more help or some tips, let me know. I have been there. I have changed the route of my journey and been set free and it is wonderful. And not so long ago, so its all still there.
When you are ready, i may be able to help. Take care

Now is the time to enable yourself to be able to leave him. If anyone understands about having an illness and being stuck, it is me. I suffer from a chronic illness day in and day out. Having that made me feel powerless and I was completely dependent on him. I pretty much got better under his nose without him knowing.

You need to start putting plans in place. Your health comes first and you know that.

Girl, you are going to spend a lifetime in mental health if you stay with him. He is going to continue to do this to you because he knows he CAN.

Can you kick him out and put an add out for a roommate or what not?

Do whatever you can in your power. Start with your health first and remember, he is NOT the cure to that. Once you realize that, you will learn to enable YOURSELF, not HIM.

Dottie,

Only you can decide if having him as your safe person is worth living with someone you know is cheating on you--none of us can answer that for you. Each marriage is a compromise--we decide what we're willing to accept in exchange for what we receive in the marriage. Sometimes the price is too high, and we leave; sometimes we decide we can pay the price for the benefits we receive by staying. You can choose to forgive him to keep yourself from harboring anger towards him, or you can stay angry at him; the choice is yours. Or you can find another person to act as your safe person and remove him from your life. Just remember, you have the ultimate power over what you choose.

Sending hugs your way
suzym

Honey let me 1st say...MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOU...I ASK THAT GOOD COVER YOU AND THE BLOOD OF JESUS AND HELP YOU SEE YOUR WAY OUT THE CESSPOOL OF DESTRUCTION...now with that being said...sweety he is doing this because you won't leave him and he sees this...turn the table on him and see how he likes it...he won't I can guarantee he won't....