
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

deleted_user
I cheated on my H. I know there is no excuse for what I did, and I will always remember the pain I saw on his face when I confessed to him what I had done. I have spent the last 2.5 years in counceling trying to see who I was and what I was doing in the marriage that made me feel so lonely and neglected. I am one of the most unselfish, caring, compasionate people would ever meet, but at that point in my life I was so selfish. I wanted to feel something for me. And for while I did feel alive, loved, and cared for, I was not being true to myself or my family and I had to step back and realize what I wanted. I then told my H everything he wanted to know. At the time he said he forgave me. We built a new house, I put my school on hold so he could finish his to get a promotion in the military. He then was gone for one year at a school while I stayed behind with the 2 young kids under 5. When he came home he said he really never did forgive me and wants a divorce. I told him that I have learned from my mistakes and I am so sorry and I thought we were working it out. He never told me otherwise. I know we have broke each others hearts and I have forgiven him for the hurtful things he has done to me both physically and emotionally and I still and willing to try. He says his hearts not in it and he has tried on his own, he won't go to counceling or even talk to me about what his feelings are. He wants to stay married living together until certain bills are paid and then he said he's gone. It is so hard to come home and see him just sitting there so sad looking, but knowing when he is out with others he's fine. I feel like he's trying to play a guilt trip on me and not take any responsibility for his part of what went wrong in the marriage. Should I file for legal separation or divorce? Or wait it out? I just don't know what to do anymore.

deleted_user
If he wants out, let him out. The bills would have to be paid whether you were married or not. What concerns me is that you said you have forgiven him for what he has done emotionally and physically to you. If he's hit you, I can't understand why you are still there right now.

deleted_user
Since he was gone for a year, do you think he may have found someone else? My opinion is that a lot of men usually won't give up one woman unless they have another one waiting. He may have felt like getting back at you, or just doing it just to know what it feels like, and then got in a relationship. I know I have been tempted to go see what it's like since my husband's affair, but I couldn't live with myself. I would consider that possibility, at least so you'll know what you're up against, if you do want the marriage to work. Hope things work out for you. God bless you.

deleted_user
I am a cheater too and I too have learned my lesson and am right where you are at for the most part.All you can do is stay true to yourself and If you love him and want to work it out ...stay the course . If he leaves anyway then you know where you stand ...harsh I know and i am truly sorry for that but if you think about what you did and what you deserve because of it . His part has nothing to do with what you did. what you did was the wrong solution and awnser to a problem or question you had in your marriage. stick to what you want and nothing else . If you get overwhelmed and say things you don't mean it could make things worse. I guess what I am saying is if he leaves then all he has is infedelity . If you get mad and say a bunch of hurtful things, then in six months after hes gone he will have alot more ammo to not come back. I am going to have to agree with betrayed on this one ...if he wants out let him go . just let him know how you feel and will continue to feel when he does and set a cutoff time for yourself. no point torturing yoursellf

deleted_user
Hi Missuak it is so unfortunate that cheaters learn "after the fact." Although you may have each done/said hurtful things to each other in the past, please, please, please be very aware that nothing, absolutely nothing, equates to adultery and all of it associated calculated, intentional deception." Even if your H hurt you daily for a 100 years and summed it up, it still will not equate to the pain of 1 instance of adultery. Please don't minimize the adultery, it only humiliates your H more.

deleted_user
divorce isn't always the answer it has it's own complications...like the breaking hearts of little innocent children who admire their parents and look to them for answers...our children went through this with us, they saw the anger, the pain...they are smart...i wrote many letters/cards to my husband (the cheater), even though I was sooooo hurt and bewildered and confused, i knew i was doing my part and if he reciprocated it was OK, if he didn't it was OK...i wasn't winning him back, i was telling him he's the only one for me, no matter what...i hope you can find a way to talk with him and open up to him, maybe he's feeling closed off from you??? take care, sheila

deleted_user
If he is really wanting out and unable to forgive you, let him go. It could be that he has been gone and is just letting his anger fester for a year and now it is boiling over. Maybe give him some time and space? Unfortunately he is not communicating and shutting down which is one of the worst things he can do. It's hard to work with someone who is acting like that. Hang in there.
Join the Conversation
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...