I cheated on my H. I know there is no excuse for what I did, and I will always remember the pain I saw on his face when I confessed to him what I had done. I have spent the last 2.5 years in counceling trying to see who I was and what I was doing in the marriage that made me feel so lonely and neglected. I am one of the most unselfish, caring, compasionate people would ever meet, but at that point in my life I was so selfish. I wanted to feel something for me. And for while I did feel alive, loved, and cared for, I was not being true to myself or my family and I had to step back and realize what I wanted. I then told my H everything he wanted to know. At the time he said he forgave me. We built a new house, I put my school on hold so he could finish his to get a promotion in the military. He then was gone for one year at a school while I stayed behind with the 2 young kids under 5. When he came home he said he really never did forgive me and wants a divorce. I told him that I have learned from my mistakes and I am so sorry and I thought we were working it out. He never told me otherwise. I know we have broke each others hearts and I have forgiven him for the hurtful things he has done to me both physically and emotionally and I still and willing to try. He says his hearts not in it and he has tried on his own, he won't go to counceling or even talk to me about what his feelings are. He wants to stay married living together until certain bills are paid and then he said he's gone. It is so hard to come home and see him just sitting there so sad looking, but knowing when he is out with others he's fine. I feel like he's trying to play a guilt trip on me and not take any responsibility for his part of what went wrong in the marriage. Should I file for legal separation or divorce? Or wait it out? I just don't know what to do anymore.
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