I don't want to get divorced, but the way I feel right now I think that I may be heading that way. I don't know what to say, I love this man, he has been in my life for 25 years. He is my best friend. I just will never be able to fully comprehend what he did. I know that. I don't want to end our marriage, but what else can I do if I can't forget. I can forgive and I have moved on because I wanted my baby so bad, I wanted to be a family and we are to a certain extent. But we don't sleep in the same bed, I kicked him out 2 years ago when he told me his secret. We still have sex. I do it to please him. He wants to also please me but I just won't let him. I don't want to mostly. I know I don't want counseling, been there for years and am tire of that route. I don't want to disappoint my family, and upset my father who is ill, that is what is partly stopping also. I don't want my daughter to not have her father in his life, I don't want to hurt him either, he will be so hurt if I leave him. He really will. It happened so long ago, a couple of years ago, and I let it go then, but now I seem to be having a tough time. How could I let this not bother me for so long and now it is just weighing on my mind so much? He has changed. He is a better person now. He has not cheated since he told me. That is the truth. I should be happy with that. He is so good to our daughter, and such a proud dad. He is really dependable. He works his ass off. He supports us and takes good care of us. He stays home now all the time. He wants to spend time with me all the time. It is just me. I don't want to talk to him about it either. I don't know what to say to him. I love him and then I hate him at the same time.
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