
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

deleted_user
mY HUSBAND HAD AN AFFAIR THAT LASTED OVER 1 YEAR. i FOUND OUT EVERYTHING OVER 3 MONTHS AGO. WE BEGAN MARRIAGE COUNCELING. I GUESS IT WAS HELPING BUT THE COUNCELOR HAS GOTTEN TO THE POINT OF SEARCHING FOR THINGS TO SAY TO US. TELLING US EACH TIME THAT HE SEES US AS A STRONG COUPLE WHO WILL WORK IT OUT. WHEN WE COME IN, IT IS ALWAYS THE SAME ?'S. HOW ARE YOU DOING, HOW ARE THINGS GOING... I FEEL LIKE I CAN CONDUCT THE SAME EXACT SESSION AS HE DOES. I FEEL LIKE I NEED SOMEONE TO KICK OUR ASS A LITTLE. TO MAKE US OPEN UP, TO LET US GET IN TO IT A BIT, ALMOST PROVOKE IT. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT SOMETIMES AFTER AN AFFAIR,A COUPLE ACTUALLY HAS A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP. I AM ASSUMING WITH THERAPY. I GUESS WHAT I AM ASKING IS THERE DIFFERENT TYPES OF THERAPY THAT MAYBE I AM MISSING? I CAN NOT DO THE SIT AND ASK IS EVERYTHING WELL KIND. HAVE ANY OF YOU EXPERIENCED A THERAPIST OR TYPE OF THERAPY THAT REALLY IS INTERACTIVE(I GUESS THAT IS THE CORRECT WORDING) WHERE THE THERAPIST MAKES YOU DIG DEEP. I DONT KNOW, I JUST WANT IT TO WORK AND KNOW I WILL NOT GET TO THAT POINT IF I DO NOT TALK W/ SOMEONE WHO IS GOING TO DRIVE US TO BE BETTER. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ANY ADVISE AND FOR LISTENING TO ME BABBLE!
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Don't feel like you're starting from scratch; a good counselor will get caught up quickly.
Once we switched, things began to get better...slowly. Don't wait. Find a new one. You should feel better after you leave a session, like you have things to work on, things to fix, and a direction to go...not worse.
I have found that you can't expect anything to happen unless you take some initiative. I agree with other posters here that you should probably try and find a different counselor. Good luck.
Like many of you I also am going to a counselor. In fact tried a couple, neither are perfect. You must pick your battles when it comes to that. If you do not feel right change to another one. I feel a counselor should referee the session while the spouses talk about things that bother them. To give new insight or another persepective on what is being said.
Good luck
Now we are seeing the counselor I originally used for my son (a year or so ago), and he is fabulous. My husband relates better with him, and he listens really well. Everytime we talk to him I think, man he hit the nail right on the head.
One thing he tells me that I would like to pass along is, "I work for you. I am hired help. If its not working, tell me. If you don't think I am getting the job done, fire me." Its so true. Its your money, and your life. If you aren't happy with your therapist, get a new one.
In the U.S, there is not really much in the education process that specifically teaches how to DO MARRIAGE, ESPECIALLY, INFIDELITY COUNSELING. There are a lot of classes on family dynamics, but few, maybe one on couple dynamics.
There is a lot of good literature out there, look under relationships at the bookstore or library.
If a therapist is familiar with the literature they can educate themselves, otherwise they may not know how to do this unless they have actually done a lot of couple counseling. Learning on the job.
As a result, you may, like the other poster's said, need to try a few therapists. a personal referrence from someone who has seen the therapist is usually best. Even if their expertise is not couples, a good therapist is a good therapistr=, so ask around.
There is a tendency in counseling today, not to dig, but to work on the behavior in a rather superficial way. it is the trend sort of. The exception to this are psyanalytic psychotherapists.
They are found usually through a university that focuses on psychanalysis.
Psychoanalysis is the archeology type of therapy. They look for what is under the behavior. they are out of fashion because insurance compoanies do not want to spend long periods of time paying for therapy, they want quick fixes.
As a result, one usually must pay for the treatment, insurance often does not cover, although they may cover some, so check.
It is also longer term therapy. It is WONDERFUL by the way, because getting to the root is so much better than covering up the problems with flowers and romantic dinners. THOSE are nice, just not enough, in my opinion.
So, if you live in a small town or there are no psychoanalytical or psychodynamic graduate programs around..or the cost of paying yourself is too much, then you are likely to not get, what I think I hear you asking for.
Students at psychoanalytic graduate programs do charge lower fees, if you find a school and are quite good.
As I said, there are still better than you described,even in a traditional clinic, but you may have to keep looking until you find them.
Hope it works for you.
Just find someone you're comfy with and who inspires you to want to work on things. We got lucky the first go.
Sounds like you have the wrong counselor. ( I have the same problem).