It all started when my H retired from the military. He had been in for 22yrs. He started looking for a job. He could only find a part time job. As time went on he found a better full time job. He worked that job for a year. The whole time my H was in the military we talked about when he retired we would move to another state. I didnt spend the whole 22yrs married to my husband. This is both our second marriage. We have only been married for 12yrs. We decided if my H was to get a good job he needed to finish school. With my job, his retirement and the money the military was giving him to go to school full time we would be fine. He went to school for a year and finished. He graduated and then started looking for a job. He had no luck. One day I told him we have been talking about moving so this is the best time to do it. He had family in another state so I told him to call and see if he could stay with them until he got on his feet. They told him it wouldnt be a problem. We planned for him to leave that next month. When the day came I thought I would die. The kids and I planned to follow within five months. That would give him enough time to get settled and save money. The month after he left I lost my job. It made it hard for us to save. He had to send me half his check so I could pay the bills. He decided he would get an apartment. During all this, my son decided he wanted to finish school in the state we lived in. I told my H that I would move in with my mother so we could save money and I would stay until school was out. He agreed. I told him but I thought I should come visit him for a month. We hadnt seen each other for almost six months at that point. He thought it was a great idea. I left the end of the next month and started my visit with my husband. It was great. We had a wonderful time. He talked about this woman he worked with a few times but he referred to her as a good friend. Then one day, he had to work late. I was home cooking dinner waiting on him. The phone range. The number was blocked. There was a female voice on the other end. She asked to speak to my H. I told her he wasnt home. She then said to tell him she called. I told her I would. I then called my H and told him she had called. He said ok. A few minutes later the phone range again. It was a blocked number. The same female voice. She then asked if I was my H wife. I said yes. She sounded surprised. She then hung up. A few minutes later, my H called and told me he would be home soon. I told him I wanted to talk to this woman. He said ok. After I got off the phone with him the phone range again. The same woman but this time she told me the whole story. She had been seeing my H almost since he got there. She said he spent every night with her and they went every where together. I thought I would die. I couldnt breath. It was a crazy moment in time. My whole world changed. She said he had been sending her emails and I asked her to send them to me. She did. She said that he told her that we were getting a divorce. He also told me that she will never have anything to do with him because he lied. She then hung up. After a few minutes my husband came home. He sat down and I told him we needed to talk. He said I know. I asked him why. All he could say was he was stupid and he made a mistake. It was a long night. I was suppose to leave in a few weeks to go back home but he begged me to stay and work it out. He says he loves me and he doesnt want to loose me. He says he will do anything to make it right. He has been doing all he can and then some to make things right but its still hard. We talk every day about the affair and we cry. I have cried so much my face is damp all the time. I just dont know how to forgive. How do you let go of the anger and forgive? The wounds are still new and fresh. This happened only a few weeks ago.
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