Azari I understand where your coming from. We really have two separate distinct groups in this community (cheaters and those cheated on) and maybe the solution is that it should be two communities instead of one. In the mean time however we all have to rememeber that people come to this web site for support. Generally, when someone posts a discussion they are looking for help. If you have some helpful advice to offer the person, you should offer it. If you don't have something helpful to offer, maybe its best just to move on to the next discussion.

This is NOT what this community was once about. The environment here differs so much from when I first started here. Read my journal, I promise what you feel it not at all what DS used to convey.

-Jax

azari they probably said something like that to you because you hit a nerve with your advice... I too have been here for a while and these disscussions have really been all about the cheaters lately and alot of harshness going on..

you camt to ds for a reason and that I believe is to get support for what has been done to you.. so I say stay and post what you need support on.. I myself get so pissed by the poor me cheaters..now that isn`t refering to the cheaters who are here to get advice and feel remorse for what they have done.. I mean the cheaters who are just looking for validation for what they did and then get pissed and throw around the judging comment when someone doesnt give them the pat on the back that they are wanting..

my advice would be to post your thoughts and concerns on what you need and just stay away from the poor me cheaters posts ...its hard but thats what I do as I have nothing constructive to say to them anyways... there are good people here at ds that have been through alot and are here for you ...Take Care of YOU

It was your choice of words. Damnation sounds like something a preacher would say so it tends to rile people up. I read your post and didn't think it was offensive. The only problem is that using words like damnation discourages any more discourse when we all want to be open and find common ground.

azari...STAY ! You have as much right to be he as anyone. How you word your thoughts can be different then me. Are any of us really certified to give advice here. NO, we give our opinion's & thoughts and the people reading them to take what helps them.

i made a really long reply, then lost it... so here is condensed version, because i do not want to write the whole thing again
the guy was a troll
the things he said were meant to make people angry, and offend for no more purpose than to get a rise
he was smarter than most, in that he chose a topic where it was almost like battlelines being drawn.
please don't go
you are here to get help, and to help others
besides, i believe that somebody has reported him, and if he comes back, i will report him too

Oh Ted is still circling the field. He seems to have, at least, come to the understanding that his mid-life crisis needs to be put off until he gets a divorce. He says he doesn't want to sound arrogant, but it's hard to read all the wonderful things he says about himself and not think that he's trying to regain his teenage studly ways. His post is all about me, me, me. And, he is not likely to see it because his opinion of himself is much higher than his opinion of anyone else here. So, don't let him get to you. He's not worth it. He's his own fan club.

Here is the definition for condemn:

1: to declare to be reprehensible, wrong, or evil usually after weighing evidence and without reservation

Maybe we all just need to choose our words better. No doubt, we are ALL in a LOT of pain, but we shouldn't allow ourselves to take it out on one another. I agree, a few months ago, I was able to find help from people here, but no longer. I do not place blame on ONE particular person, either, but it upsets me when I see people doing that. Azari, I'm sorry if I offended you with my post saying that cheaters don't need our condemnation, but that's what I was seeing at the time. We are condemning cheaters without any reservation, instead of offering our help to them. No, I'm not saying they deserve sympathy - just helpful positive advice! I will check my messages from time to time, and I'd love to offer my help and support to those who might need it. I, too, want to thank those who have been supportive here! I hope all of you take good care of yourselves!

Hmmm...to declare wrong without reservation is one of those optional words. I don't see anything wrong with declaring wrong what some of them are saying. And, I have no reservation about that. What some of them say is, indeed, reprehensible. So, thanks for the definition. Sometimes, condemnation is appropriate after all. Not that positive advice isn't needed, mind you.

(tears streaming down cheeks...) Did you start a thread just for me...? I'm so blessed...

Jimbo - you're the only troll, and you look like one too...

Oops - I've already called you out... Quit trying to pick me up - I'm not interested in your advances.

Look, if you want to call me out, that's fine. I have a lot to say..

My point on the other thread is not to pile on someone who's down. The woman could be suicidal. She has kids. Did you ever think about the welfare of the family as a whole..? Probably not.

I could care less if my style doesn't mesh well with you people. I'm here to offer an unbiased opinion. Some of you have had bad experiences and you don't have a clear perspective, so you bash without thinking through the situation logically...

Bring it on if you want, but I'm not going anywhere.

I'm so hurt. I thought we had something special.

Sorry. Not on this thread, too. Last word...I forgot he likes to have the last word.

It's not really about the last word - it's about responding to stupid comments..

This thread was started as a way to call me out, which is unfortunate. There's a lot of bitter, negative people in this forum.

I was simply trying to offer help to someone who's down and protect her somewhat from all the people who want to bash her.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning her actions. She was clearly wrong and she screwed up big time, but she's got kids and a life ahead...

Beating people down after their mistakes is pretty low.

Just curious...is beating people down who have already been beaten up by the affects of an affair any better?

I don't know everyone's history, so I keep it to the topic at hand. I read Wilder's story and I was responding within the context of that discussion.

My point, exactly. Maybe, just maybe you don't know where the other people who are responding are coming from. Maybe some of them are close to suicide, too.

I do think you have good things to offer. You came in with both guns blazing and you didn't even know who you were shooting at. Since then, you've offered some nice opinions. I don't agree with all of them, but that's what makes a community interesting. We're not all going to think alike.

I may be mistaken, but I think the real reason you came to this forum was because you were ready to have an affair because you're not happy in your marriage. I'm sure you'll correct me if I'm wrong. Several people responded to you and you seemed to change your mind about that. So, were you not just a tiny bit defensive when you started to post on the first thread? I don't remember exactly what you said, but you seemed to indicate that there were reasons that people are unhappy and cheat. You said the thing about glass houses. You were pretty much on the attack, at least from what I read. And you didn't know what any of us had been through.

I completely agree that when people are hurting, they don't need to be attacked. I don't know that there are a lot of bitter people here. I do know there are a lot of hurting people. I don't think you really know what that feels like because you haven't experienced either side of it. That doesn't mean that you don't have good things to offer. But, until we learn more about you, then what you say will probably be taken with a grain of salt.