I feel like i am just going around and around in the same pain and sadness that have been following me for the past year. I realize now my ex is a big liar, saying things to me just to keep me hanging on and when he realizes he still has me he rejects me once again saying oh i just am not sure about anything anymore. All the while making plans, work and personal, with the skank. i know it is over. Forever, it was along time ago i just would not accept it. Now i can because i am so sick of all the drama and pain. i do believe he has come to enjoy the drama. i do believe i really don't love him anymore just the memory of him. I feel torn between accepting him as a person who just screwed up royaly and turned into a mid life crisis screwball and the bastard, lying betraying husband who literally abandoned his wife and family for the skank and her children. How do i just let go of ALL of it and move on to not feeling anything. It would be such a blessing to not be in pain anymore. It has been a year and i am tired just so tired of it all. OK he wants her not me. OK he is with her kids not his own. OK OK OK. I need to knock him off his pedastal that i have allowed him to be on. He is not the man i need. I know now that only an extraordinary person will be in my life now and he will never be that. Can any betrayer be that? If i have beed doing all the right things, reading, counseling, support groups, friends, why am i still stuck? What is wrong with me. Please help me see someting that i am not. How can i not be sad anymore. How can i have hopes for a future i cannot see or even think about? i feel like i am losing it all over again....I need some friends i need things to do i need things to care about again. how do i really take my mind off of them and what they are doing? how do we do that when our kids keep filling us in and mentioning things that i would rather not hear. how can i stop wanting to see him fail and fall on his f&*$ face. i want to be a better person. i want to be funny again. what am i doing wrong?
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