My husband had an affair two years ago. It was "just a kiss and conversation". After looking at phone records, it was LOTS of texts and conversations. However, I jumped into the healing process immediately. We read "The Love Dare" and enrolled in ballroom dancing. I so wanted things to work. Four months ago, I found out my husband was having another affair when I was diagnosed with an STD! This time, after some psychotic behavior on my behalf, he admitted to sleeping with 2 women...brand new women! He finally admitted to sleeping with the woman from 2 years ago as well! Now, I'm not so eager to jump into the reconciliation. Most days, I don't see why I should. My faith tells me that my vows are until "death" so I mostly get the feeling of "stuck". He is so remorseful and really wants to work on us. He has finally admitted to being insecure and feeling inadequate. He has cried tremendously. He is has shown me all of his passwords and I have access to everything. Together, we have a great support group. My pastor and his wife have met with us several times for sessions. We both have 24 hour access to them. I take huge steps and feel like I'm on the mountaintop! Then, I plummet to the ground in a split second. I feel crazy, depressed, and I really want to leave. We have two sons, 6 and 2. If you do the math, I was pregnant with the younger one when my husband had his first affair. Ultimately, I want to do what works for all involved. I believe in "for better or for worse". But, I am in such pain and agony. I have told my mom, his older brother (told him today in an effort to help save his marriage) and my two best friends, but none of them know all of the story. His mom and our pastor & his wife are the only people who know the full story. Well, now you all do! I feel afraid, lonely, broken, silly, stupid, used, angry, frustrated...I have found all of his mistresses on Facebook but I have called them all. I just wanted to put a voice to a face. One is extremely remorseful. One is remorseful for the sex but grateful that my husband helped her through her issues. She was supposed to give me a more in-depth reply but I have yet to receive it. The last will only communicate via text. Coward! I feel crazy for even wanting to reach out to them but I do/have. I don't know what to do. I pray, fast, read, talk, get counseling, started this online group and an in-person support group but I can't seem to find much relief. I just want it to be OVER!!! By the way, I'm not suicidal...just tired of being tired!!!
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