Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Caught in the act

deleted_user
deleted_user
My H has arranged to meet this girl he met online a few weeks ago. I know the time and place but I'm having a hard time deciding whether to go there and catch him in the act or to go there to see if he will even show up or to just wait to see what happens next. My thoughts are that if he does not meet the girl, then there's a chance to make it work, if he does meet the girl then it's TOAST. I'm also feeling that I should just let it go and deal with what happens next. What do you think?

Update: This incident happened a couple of days ago and I have decided to see if he would show up. Unfortunately, he was there. He must have seen me as I saw him on talking on the phone behind a column. Of course, he rambled something about faxing something but I just shook my head and said it's over. There was a couple of girls sitting at the table and one of them fit the description. I am so disappointed that he went through with it but maybe it's not meant to be. Now I need help on how to move forward. I would appreciate any suggestions on how to prepare for the divorce. Is it mandatory that we have to be separated first or can I just file for a divorce.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am not sure if it is required to first be seperated before divorce. It could depend on your state marital law. Try to look into that. I am so sorry that this has happened. Have you had problems with him cheating on you before? Do you think counseling could help or this a step you want to go through regardless.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes he did this before with another girl he met on the chatroom. I saw a couple of emails and confronted him. I made him call the girl to tell her its over and I talked to her and asked her if he ever suggested that they meet and she said no. They only communicated through emails and phone calls. I agreed to work it out but I have been on guard ever since. This was three years ago and I think it was going okay but I believe he was missing the excitement with the chat girl as they both shared the same sexual fantasies. He knows he would never be able to get the same reaction from me so he went back to the chatrooms looking for her.
somefool
somefool
Depending on your state. But let me tell you from experience. The only way to forgive and get closure is to divorce. I have been through this 2 times. The first time ended in divorce. The man I am married to now, I don't trust or respect. What can you live with? I would hate to see you unhappy too. Think it through, my thoughts are with you.
somefool
somefool
One more thing I forgot to meantion is once a cheater, and a liar. Do you really think anything will change?? I do not want to see you unhappy.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know in my state you dont have to be separated first to file for divorce. It probably varies from state to state. Make sure you get your stuff in order , financial etc then go talk to a lawyer. If you are better prepared it will go smoother.

I agree that once they do it once it would be easier to do it again. As Dr Phil always says, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior so you are probably smart to move toward divorce. I wish you the best and I hate that we find ourselves here looking for help
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