Wow, I can't tell you how many times people have pegged me on this. I started to wonder if I had a tattoo on my forehead. LOL
I think you are onto something.

i guess that those we know are use to seeing a light in our eyes and we all know that when we go thru this terrible situation the light is completely snuffed out. i think that those who have been in the same situation just know what it looks like.

I don't know. I have many people comment on how happy I am all the time. I guess I am good at hiding it---wouldn't they be surprised!!!!

I have seen this. The emotional scars. I suppose it could be any traumatic event, like the death of a loved one also. But, after going thru my W cheating, I can definetly see the pain in their eyes. Like, I have seen in the mirror.

I think if you are generally an empathetic person, you can just read "pain" on someones face. Although, I must say there is a particular pain that comes with cheating. I have seen it on one woman's face in particular. never thought it would be me I would be seeing it on two years later.

Absolutely I think people you see often can see somethings wrong. I own a service business and see the same people about every 10 days. Some clients I have had for years. I had always gone "bouncing" in, hows your week- very friendly, definitely a people person. Almost every single person has seen
something is wrong. My mother died, last year, a month before my husband of 46 years told me about his affair- 15 yrs ago. Quite a few say oh, I'm so sorry, it is so difficult to loose a mother, especially if your were close to her. I usually let it go at that, but a few clients that I'm really close to, I tell.
I do get a lot of sympathy and it helps. me. I am still very angry for him telling me now, 15 yrs later, married 46 years.

Maybe there is something to it...Iknow friends of mine have said Im not the same person I used to be...One friend even came out and asked if my wife was cheating on me(jokingly) but he did know something was wrong...I guess once we have been hurt this way,,we are never the same and some people might be able to pick up on that.

I think you are right. I tell you - I feel like everyone knows. I quit all of my volunteer stuff without warning, didn't eat for 2 weeks and lost 20 pounds, and started mild swearing in regular conversation. I understand this is a typical pattern - anyone who has been through it will recognize it and I think I would recognize it in others.

I agree with this. I am definitely more perceptive in seeing this now. Its hard to describe - a look of sadness & betrayal deep in the eyes.

My H has been worried that friends and family know what is going on, what he has done just by looking at us.
I've only told one friend and he says he has only told one friend. I can see a difference in how he acts around his other friends especially when I am around.
I put a big distance between my self and my parents and sister during the summer, I found out June 8, the day school was out. I stopped going by to see them. They called all the time but I just couldn't deal with their issues and my own. Because of my age 46, my mom just assumed I was going through the change (she told my daughter) so she has left me alone recently.
Part of me doesn't want to be around anyone because when they ask how my H is, or how he likes his new job (he started in 5 days before d-day) I want to tell the TRUTH. He's a cheating, selfish Bast..d that destroyed his family.

P.S. His mother took one look at me a couple of weeks after I found out and for the first time in 15 years - asked me point blank if he was screwing around on me.

I agree 100% that we just have a different look, sad etc. We think we look just fine but we don't. If my husbands mother were alive, I know she could tell something right away. We were very close an d I saw her frequently. I just said to my h last night-
I wonder what your parents are thinking as they look down on us. His reply was- you just want to make me look bad in everyones' eyes, living and dead! He came from such a good close Christian family. I'm sure they would be heartbroken too.

Not sure if its a "sixth sense" or anything, but I know from my experience
that my close friends think I have changed....how can you not. I've been changed by this and cannot go back to the way or person I was. Only one thing to do though, decide which way you want to go, forward or get eaten alive by the past. Every day I fight the battle..and win most of them. Good luck and keep fighting.