My name is Shannon. I live in Eastern North Carolina. It was only supposed to be a temporary move - that is until I met my husband. He was the first man I loved and knew we would make it work. Eight years and one almost four year old little boy later, I found out he was having an affair. It's been going on for the past six months in his office with a woman where he works. I knew something was going on, but was unable to get him to admit it and couldn't find the proof I needed. I even considered hiring a PI, but because he was in a school, there would be no way for the PI to get onto campus and figure out what was going on. One night last month I noticed him using an old cell phone. Something told me to see if it was active and what the logs looked like. There was virtually only one number on there - hers. For the past six months they spoke almost a hundred times a month. I told him to leave - but wanted so desperately for him to stay. He said he couldn't end it with her. Then after being gone for five days, he begged me to let him come back. That it was over with her. One day before school started, we had a three way call with her, him, and me. I had to hear it from both of them that it was over. They both said it was and asked for my forgiveness. The sad thing was that I actually really liked her. She was funny, smart, and accomplished. She was part owner in an ice cream restaurant by the beach - invited me and my son on a regular basis to come visit her there. My husband and I started counseling. Even so, he was still calling her and emailing her. When I found this out - I freaked. Why come back when he still wanted to be with her? I was betrayed all over again - but worse. This time I was not so nice. I called her and cussed her and beat the mess out of him. He refused to leave and said once again that it was over. We had an emergency counseling session. I've decided not to decide yet as to whether it's over or not. Because of his work, I have no access to his cell phone records at the department. I have no idea what he does or where he goes when he goes on patrol. It's gut wrenching every time he leaves the house. I don't believe a single word that comes from his face. He tries to show me 'proof' by showing me his cell phone - but what good is that? He can delete any texts or calls. I've asked him to get a transfer to another squad but he won't. I've asked for him to try and obtain the cell phone records from work, but he won't. He's got an excuse for everything. We cleaned out his office at the school. We went through and got rid of all the 'evidence' of her. The love cd's she made for him...the pictures...the condoms. How do I get passed this anger? How do I believe anything he says? How can I hate him one minute and desperately need his love the next? I've been through some pretty painful things in my life, but this is by far the most painful and devastating experience I've ever had. I am constantly consumed by anger, fear, and mistrust. Can I get passed this?
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