I'm sure prior to those sites there were still places cheaters could hook up. I hate those sites as well though. I even made up a few profiles so I could search them out to see if my husband was using them. I cannot tell you the trashy messages I got from some who wanted to "hook" up. It's unfortunate but they will always be around.

I did the same thing and that's when I saw that my husband had reactivated an old account he had. That was a few months ago and he has since then closed his account on two of those sites, but I was told that he's on a dating site. Unfortunately the person who told me couldn't recall the site because they hadn't been online to those type of things in such a long time.

Don't bash AFF. Its not the website's fault that your husband can't stay home. I used that website on more than one occasion because they are also for couples living the alternative lifestyle.

Nothing urks me more than people who blame everyone except the guilty party. Next, the betrayed spouse is going to sue the hotel that they had their rendevous in....

Cheating has been around for centuries. As long as, well, marriage. before there was websites, there were brothels. Focus the blame where it belongs. On your husband.

for the record, AFF does not promote unprotected sex....I dont' know where you are getting that from.

Let me correct that. It promotes and is a gateway for promiscuity. I hope you are never on the other end of cheating because it sounds like you arent. I know my husband is to blame for the situation, but like I said there are men and women on there that "don't" care if the parties are married or not.

I will bash whatever website I want. It's a moral issue at stake and in this day and time it seems that mankinds morals are going in the toilet faster and faster with every decade. God is definitely not pleased. I'm not sure what you are calling an alternative lifestyle and you are welcomed to whatever lifestyle you want but for me adultery is not an alternative lifestyle it is immorality and not acceptable in any fashion.

Nothing in the good old USA says "I mean business" like money.

I think it might be an unlikely win and I am not an attorney and know nothing about the law..but a Class Action Suit..like those suits wives bring against the mistress...could at least cause some discomfort and legal fees. it would also get them on the news and create more publicity for them. So dont know if it is worth it.

But, sometimes David does get Goliath.

I must be dumb, but what is AFF and OBC?

Oh no, I've been cheated on. I just placed the blame on the target. Him. and well, me of course for neglecting his needs.

We all have a choice...just say "NO"

to answer the question aff is adult friend finder...its a site for swingers and adults to find people who are interested in things from sex to just hanging out...

not sure what the other one is..

my h is not computer literate so I can`t blame any of the online dating sites for what he did... I don`t know much about either site so won`t comment on them.. I do know that if someone wants to cheat they are going to whether they go to an online site or not...

Nave, what you say is very interesting. I was just wondering if there's any recourse spouses have against stuff like this. I guess I'm mostly speaking out of hurt, but from what I see out there just since April is absolutely overwhelming. I must live a very sheltered adult life because I had no idea how sick and vulgar some of these sites are.

The OBC website is "ONLINEBOOTYCALL.COM" and that's just what it's for. It doesn't boast about building relationship, it's strictly for one night stands or casual sex partners or swingers or whatever. There's another site called "blackpeoplemeet.com" that boasts the same sexual scenario. There's a site if your are into people who deficate or defacate or urinate on each other and so on and so on. I literally got sick to my stomach seeing just how far these sites will go and I can see how it can be a disease for some people.

Heartbroken is right to say we have a choice, and so do these people who make these sites and peddle this insanity to people. No wonder people lose their minds to porno and things of this nature. These sites are so self demeaning and humilating (Ok, maybe this is just my opinion, but I'm sticking with it.). I think these sex vendors need to be brought into subjection and responsibility some kind of way. I equate these sites to drug pushers because what the person is left with that ventures into these sites is a life that is on a downward spiral mentally, physically, emotionally and financially.

Just look or listen to some of the people who are on here. Some of them are so depleted emotionally because of their losses due to infidelity, porno, drugs or whatever that they are on the brink of insanity. They are lonely , depressed, ready to kill themselves and such. I really feel for them and pray every day for God to show them love and help them, but it's this addiction or disease of sites like this that help fuel the fire.

I know I sound like I'm ranting to some, but there has to be something people can do to these sites. Nave's reply hints at hope which makes me feel a little better.

Byathread, I started to tell myself in the beginning that I neglected my husband and that's why he cheated, but you know what? I didn't neglect him. He was doing this before we got married, the day we got married, and since we've been married. When I asked him what is the draw for him, he doesn't know. He can't put it into words other than to say "sex", just "sex". He says he started going to these sites because he had a relationship that ended badly and he was young when he did it. Now 5 or 6 years or more down the line he doesn't know how to stop, or found out after 1 year into his experience with these people he was hooked to something he couldn't get away from. Now he's getting older and that's all he's spent his money and time on. Now really building relationships , hiding this dark dirty secret, and shamed of himself that he is slave to his desire to continue to do it. It's a really vicious circle.

There is nothing that can be done regarding the sites. It is a free country and all that entails, unfortunately.

Would be kinda nice if you could take the keyboard and break his damn fingers though. :)

lol, that was too funny. That would be a good idea though.I can hear the crackling bones right now :-)

I frustrated the hell out of mine with a private account he had for the two of them to communicate. He had no idea it was me and I did this for 3 solid weeks. He'd change the password and I would change it to something else. How? He is oh so smart that he would use a "secret question" I knew the answer to. I mean come on, I'd been married to him 17 years at that point so there was nothing I didn't know. Frustrated the hell out of him to the point he decided to get ANOTHER email address about 10 days into it and I found that out and continued. I really enjoyed that! Even tormented her by sending her some not so nice emails since she was all clingy and laughed my ass off at him trying to figure out what the hell she was so pissed about. I made sure to turn off the "save sent emails" function and intercepred the ones she sent back demanding an explanation when I had been f*cking with her head. Man, that was 8 years ago but it is still hilarious to me!!

gosh!, I wish I could get my husbands email password but the programs are too expensive and there are so many fraudulent free programs online I don't know which ones to try. Now that my husband is moving out my desire to look into his messenger and email is not quite so bad but I still want to see who he is talking to. I wish someone out there could tell me about a free program that works. He can only use my computer right now when he comes over to get his stuff, but soon he will be up and running on his own computer.