
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

deleted_user
I was talking w/ someone who I do not know on the phone. A person who helped me in my investigations to finding out my H infedelities. He told me that I sounded like a nice person and as a "friend" that has helped figure some really heartbreaking things out he wanted to let me know that he has been in this bus. a long time and that cheater never change. Once a cheater... I would like to believe that is not true. And that my H is trying and will not do this to me again. Cheaters. those who have been cheated on please feel free to comment and share. I do not want to believe this but being only 2months out from finding out it is so scary to hear,
thank you
thank you
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my husband claims to be a better man a different man and i hope he is right and that he means what he says. he seems to mean it and he really seems to be sorry for what he did to his family, so i will take his word for it that he is a changed man but i have made it very clear that i will never put up with this kinda behavior again and that he will pay dearly if he even dreams about cheating.
I know many are not that in touch with God but the knowledge of right and wrong is strong in most I believe. Also, those who are truly sorry and wish to repair what they have done to those who love them can change and move on to living happy lives again with their spouse. It does take two though, one to ask forgiveness, one to forgive and both to work with all their might to recover from it.
No, once a cheater always a cheater, whether they act on it is another thing, just like a smoker, alcoholic, addict or abuser of any kind, when the place and time is 'right' in their lives, relapses are inevitable. The memories, the fantasy, the feelings will always be with them.
Firstly, I dont know, I am not a cheater and cannot get in the head of one.
I agree with Nadine, not just sex addicts but there is a certain thing one must be able to do to cheat, especially for weeks, months or years. I have heard it referred to as
"compartmentalising", and it goes sort of like this.
They need attention, attention at home is ebbing due to any number of things, new baby, illness, illness of parent, or some other thing that is preoccupying their otherwise usually attentive spouse. Someone starts to pay attention to them, they respond and then ...somehow all of their reason, logic, memory and common sense slips right out of their %$#@ and before they know it, it has happened to them again! Perhaps, there are exceptions but most of the people I know who cheat, do it again. I would not, even if I tried, even if I was "that close" to letting it happen, I could not cheat on my husband. My Conscience is always with me, come rain or shine. From what I understand the cheater's conscience takes little vacations or gets locked up in a compartment, only to finally escape and cfause it's owner to confess his deeds and feel real bad about them. for a little while.
My opinion
You r talking about change on the behavioral level, with consequences and suffering as motivation.
Again, I agree, not ALL cheaters will cheat again, the law of averages will always prove that, some cheaters might get hit by a bus, some may never have or allow an opportunity, in which they are too vulnerable, to occur
Behavioral change is a relatively safe bet as far as animals are concerned, dogs will learn to be helpless to save themselves, under certain conditions and will not try to get out of a cage when the door is open, dogs can be trained to salivate, at the sound of a bell.
Peoplele, do not show such uniform behavior. It seems to me that the death penalty has not decreased homicide over the years.
Some years homicides go down but there is no relation to the existence of death as a punishment or noy. The "three strikes law" here in California, has not stopped the use of drugs. Punishment doesnt always deter bad behavior.
I know my husband had no clue that 1)I would find out 2) I would flip out 3) his life would be altered forever. He has the ability to remember these things and he has the desire to avoid these things but when push comes to shove, unfortunately, he has the ability to use defences such as denail, compartmentalization and rationalization to make it seem somehow, not such a big deal or not REALLY cheatin, just a friend or etc.
He has the ability, given enough freedom from observation and enough desire for someone he believes is special or thinks he is special, he will cheat. I on the other hand do not cheat...because...instead of fear of consequences, I am the consequences. I would have to look at myself the next morning. So behavior changes but I do not think for thre most part, that people chage the defences they have used since childhood and the cheaters defences just make it mnore likey, they will do it,,,given the right set of circunstances.
I see in my own children that they learn from consequences of their actions. Then, they know that it's not worth it. I don't in the least agree that punishment and consequences do not deter behavior.
For one .. I got in touch with my own feelings .. and then I got in touch with hers ..
From there .. I began to understand .. what I had done to her ..
Did I know what I was doing was not right? Of course .. but .. I had become emotionally unattached to her .. and to what she was feeling ..
I am now in touch with that ..
How easy is it to change? For me .. it was a decision .. that past mistakes do not define me .. I am not my past mistakes .. I own them .. but they are not who I am ..
Who I am is someone who can and has committed my love .. to only one woman .. and .. that will not change for me .. no matter what ..
Even if we fight or argue .. I will not allow myself to behave in that way .. ever again ..
I hope .. for everyone's sake who posts here .. that their s/o will do the same ..
Anyone can .. it just takes desire ..
Blessings to all ..