He's blatantly rubbing this in your face it seems. It's as if he's saying he's not about to stop contact with the OW and there is nothing you can do about it. Stand your ground hon. I wish you luck!!

If he is still contracting the ow, then the only recourse for you is to tell him to leave...

You must have enough tough love, not to let him hurt you anymore.

He is not going to do anything different if you keep putting up with it...

Prayers and hugs to you!!

He's obviously not ready to put forth the effort to save your relationship. He's not worth the time you are spending spying on him; maybe it's time to move on.

Wyn,
I still sometimes take what he does personally. The HONEST TRUTH is, he is addicted and he is hoping to get away with it but willing to deal with the consequences if caught.

By addicted, I dont mean to sex or even that it is a DISEASE. Just that people become sort of mesmorized, some people especially, with the infatuation, the drama, the "star crossed lovers syndrome" (Romeo and juliet still causes emotional responses after 400 or 500 years!).

It IS adolescent. Sometimes people regress to adolescence when they think that they are smitten and, more importantly, someone is smitten with them. There is nothing substantial or real about his feelings for her.

Nevertheless, he is not yet motivated enough to "break the spell" and commit to being in a grown up marriage.

His motivation to stop, must come from the outside, YOU, as he has no internal values or sense of direction at this time.

My husband admitted that he told me about the affair because he knew he was too "lost" in his delusional thinking, about her, to get out of the relationship by himself!

He was aware enough to know that he was "insane" at the time and needed his "best friend", me, to make him stop. Flattering? No! Fact? Yes!

He knew, from the moment he told me, that he would lose everyting real and important to him, if he did not stop contact with her.

He saw her one more time after that at a party. He came home and called me, I was in New York trying to figure things out. He was still delusional, but he did call and he has paid dearly for his decisions.

He has not lost me, because he broke contactwith her and did not stay or leave the party with her.

But life for him has been a living hell for over 2 years and is just beginning to normalize.

You must set the limits that YOU will accept. Do not threaten anything you are not willing to do. In fact do not threaten.

If I were you I would just disappear (with the kids if there are any). No warning, no note, no explainations. even if just for a few days. I did this sevral times, to be alone and because I just could not even look at him in the beginning.

He will either go crazy wondering where you are and his focus will return to you.
Or he will take the opportunity to spend more time with her.

This will help you know what to do next.

We cannot decide for them,nor do we have any control over them. we can, however, make certain that they understand that winning us back is going to require more effort than they have ever put into anything in their lives. Only then will WE and THEY know if the relationship has a chance of recovery.

Hope this helps and prayers for you.

my wife started to clear all her history when she knew i was checking. but it was obvious when her phone history was empty that she was doing somthing wrong. and she got mad at ME for it.

I would tell him to leave....You do NOT ever need to put up with living with a man that is having an affair...and that is what he is doing...his behavior is NOT acceptable...
What's the matter with him? He is having an affair...and he is so caught up in it that even after his wife has found out about it -he can't stop!
It is like an addiction...but just like in an addiction you cannot enable him to continue... you have to stay strong and take a tough love approach.
He's either comitted to you and the marriage or he's not- it's like being a little pregnant -you either are or you're not...he can't have his cake and eat it too.

Dont let him treat you like this. He is just hurting you over and over again. I agree with the others, maybe if you tell him to leave it will be a wakeup call for him.But whatever you do, know that we are here for you ! I hate that you are going through this. Hugs!

I really don't have a reply other than I am cheating with a man who is married. Which discussion do I go into to figure out what is going on with me and him. I want him to be a jerk and I have told him to do things to turn me off, but he won't.

i do exactly the same thing with my husband i find the numbers and call them myself asking the whore if she knows he is married and is having a child the stupid bitch dosent kno wot 2 say