
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Im brand new to this site. First, in reading the stories and responses, I have already gotten some advice I know I can use. Some background on my situation Ive been married for 18 years, with two great teenage boys who have been my anchor. My H was diagnosed and survived testicular cancer in early 2008. After going through that experience, our marriage was stronger then ever. We were happy, enjoyed each others company, and had a great outlook on our relationship. Boy, did I get the rug ripped out from under! Does anyone remember the movie Pretty Woman with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts? Well, thats sort of how my story went. While my H was in NYC in September for a monthly checkup, he arranged an erotic massage with one of those endings from someone from a website (this someone was 45, a stripper for 20 years, turned massage therapist since she got too old for stripping). In October, he did the same thing, but this time (because he was spending a few days in NYC for other reasons I now know were lies) he wined and dined her (to the tune of $400 per dinner), and bought her several expensive gifts. He continued their relationship via email and phone after that. He did not physically see her after his October fling. However, in December, he took a trip to Colorado for some skiing. I could not go with him, because I had a very important commitment for our son that he should have been at. On the day of his return, I received a plane ticket refund in the mail in her name! He had planned on taking her with him! He claims (and so did she, I called her to confront her) that she had a boyfriend in Colorado that she was meeting, and he was simply buying her the ticket. Supposedly, my H decided that it wasnt right, and they called it off. He went alone. When I called her on two occasions, she basically mentioned that she doesnt ever get to have nice stuff because shes trying to support 4 kids, and my H was nice to her. How sweet! Well, Ive decided to stay, after much contemplation. He is, of course, sorry and explained that this made him feel like a big shot, a show off, and she ate it up showering him with compliments. He told me that I always have it so together that I never need him to take care of me. So, she was needy and just what he needed. Im working on me considering what my H said. Were both committed to making things work. I have no doubt that he loves me. Friends often comment on how he looks at me, and treats me, that they can see how in love he is with me. So, I guess my request for advice here has to do with a few things. Im about 6 weeks after finding out and about 2 weeks into knowing the whole story. How do you get off of the roller coaster ride? One minute I am so positive, and the next Im a raving lunatic! Any advice on how to push those negative thoughts out? How do I get my confidence back? Thanks for listening. Just by writing all of this down has helped get it off my chest!
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I would suggest joining the "Rebuilding Marriage after Infidelity" group... there's lots of positive feedback there including how to deal with the day to day.
Good luck...
You have your man wanting to heal this with you and I agree that he will see you go through some very hard days. I hope you let yourself need him. He clearly wants you to lean on him. I wish you the best and keep us all posted.
I was on my emotional rollercoaster ride for two years! Some here have been on it longer, and some much shorter. It is based on so many variables it isn't even funny; some of which are:
- if your spouse/significant other is owning their shit and being responsible, being TRULY REMORSEFUL ( not guilty) and helping you heal
- if they told the truth right away or are still holding it in
- if they break no contact rules, etc
and I believe personality comes into that as well. Some people just WILL NOT tolerate being cheated on and after much emotional debate, end up leaving regardless. There are just way too many variables.
You did say something that scared me. You said
"He told me that I always have it so together that I never need him to take care of me. So, she was needy and just what he needed. Im working on me considering what my H said.".
Why are you working on you? What are you going to do? Become needy? I'm not saying that to bash you, but I am genuinely interested. Look girl, that is not on your plate. If your husband cannot love you for WHO YOU ARE, and get past wanting what should be forbidden to him, you guys are doomed.
Its not up to YOU to change who you are. It's up to him to suck it up and love you for YOU!
But, since he did say that. And since it does sound like he has money... and since it does appear he spent that money on a whore, your NEEDINESS should go as far as THIS:
1.) i need new jewelry and gifts, somewhere in the tune of seven fold what you bought the slut.
2.) I need expensive dinner too. 400? try 800.
3.) I NEED a ski trip to Colorado, please.
Please don't change yourself for him.
I was there. I did that once. I kicked myself square in the ass. Now if he had said :"Well dear, one of the reasons that I cheated is because you a raving lunatic. When I come home from work, instead of you getting dinner ready, you throw pots and pans and act like a nutjob, then slam food on the table while the house is falling apart and the kids haven't even down their homework".
Yeah ok, then I would say you NEED to work on something LOL.
But to go from a positive self secure woman to needy? Yeah dont do it. Its nice to let him know he is appreciated and that you do need and want him, but I wouldn't put much effort into changing myself for him. He needs to change his way of thinking; not you who you are.
I rambled.
Best of luck to you.
it actually opened up what i had been thinking and feeling but it is hard to explain the loneliness inside...the reason that is...is shown in the movie...we are actually not getting that true connection...
if he had a fear of God and God was first in his life, you would never have been treated as
second.The guy in the movie did not believe this and his father dares him to do a 40 day
plan called the love dare and the couple is at the brink of divorce.....it is amazing..it is not a feel good movie..it is actually one of those movies that can change your life....that makes you feel good to.it teaches the solution and is reality based not fantasy based and the man in the movie had a internet porn addiction.
you have to watch it ...it will give you answers...