I don't think many here would disagree with the fact that some people have very difficult marriages. But, there is never a reason for infedility. It is a choice. So, I think that I was partly to blame for the state of my marriage. But, I was in no way responsibile for her decision to have an affair. I could have had one, too. But, I had made a promise to her before God. I was not about to break that. And, I had the sense to know how much it would hurt not only her, but everyone around us. No, I'm not perfect. Yes, I did many things wrong. But, I did not cause the affair. I really don't think there is such a thing as a justified excuse or a good reason.

Yes, I think there is blame on both sides for a bad marriage.

No, I don't think the partner is to blame for the infidelity... because the cheater always had a CHOICE!

People should always talk about how different things make them feel, whether it is neglect, disrespect, or abuse...
If it is physical abuse, the person must seek help, either through the police, etc..

Yes, but even if driven away, get a divorce before cheating..

yes i take part of the blame for my spouse's emotional afair i neglected her emotional needs and she got it somewhere else however,she now even admits that was no excuse and what she did was wrong

I do take blame for our lack of sex at the time. However, I was working, nursing a child who ate every two hours, looking for daycare, taking care of a 2 year old, and taking care of all of the household duties. i wish he would have talked to me. I decided to stop nursing and knew that things would get better, but he didn't wait. It was a decision that put our family in trouble. We could of gotten over our problems if he was patient and helped around the house instead of golfing three times a week, playing fantasy sports, and being a fat azz on the couch.

April hit the nail on the head.

Both parties are responsible for an unhealthy / dissolving marraige or relationship.

But cheating is the wrong solution or coping mechanism and is the choice of one person in that original relationship, there is NO excuse for that, no way to twist blame on the other person.

If somebody is unhappy in a partnership, then there are ways to deal with it, if both parties are mature and strong enough. Or, there are ways to end the relationship if there is no solution that can be agreed upon.

There is no blame to be placed except for that of the cheater's where the infidelity is concerned.

You asked essentially if there could be reasons why a person could be "driven away". Yes. Definately. But there is a difference between a person being "driven away" and that person going into somebody else's arms.

DRIVE AWAY THEN...WHY LIE ABOUT IT??

I agree the cheater must take the blame and I do. I didn't find it easy to leave however,because I was new to this country and didn't have any support system that I could survive on my own with a small child.When I first came here,I didn't even know how to drive. So it was easier to stay. If you think I was a coward,fine,but I don't think I was. I truly thought for my kids that I should stay.

Well I guess I'll get burned at the stake too because I think more often than not, both partners share some resposibility. And let's not forget that sometimes complications of life and indeed compassion may prevent just walking away from a situation. And good people can go down the wrong path ...they're not all evil.

Thank you JerryID. I was wondering if I should have come to this site at all,but you give me hope with your honesty. It's easy to be the judge and jury,but as you said good people take the wrong path too. It happens all the time. Why just infidelity? There's stealing,physical and sexual abuse,lying,and all other kinds of things. I still feel I have to keep repeating myself though- yes what I did was wrong, no it wasn't easy,yes it was my fault,not my husbands and yes I should have left. But I stayed.

Well you know infidelity has pretty much been cast as the unforgivable sin - adulters stoned in the bible - the Scarlet Letter, etc. (attitudes probably fostered by patriarchal societies who feared losing control of "their" woman). But as you say in the pantheon of sins it's not even in the top 10.

Of course all parties are to blame, even the kids and dog need to accept their share of the responsibility. All sarcasm aside, moral rationalization is a slippery slope to nobody being to blame for anything.

Jerry, I disagree with your top 10 statement. While I agree that infedility is not unforgivable, it is addressed in the ten commandments and throughout the Bible. Infedility is something that affects more than just the two or three or four people involved. It is a gift that keeps on giving. It is abusive. It is a horrible thing to do to someone else. It destroys families and it destroys people on both sides. So, please don't downplay the effects of an affair.

I agree with everyone else, the cheater always had a choice.If that is what you want end your relationship first.If you relationship is not meting your needs, that is the only thing to do.Walk away, but don't cheat do it right.

Nope,not downplaying the effects of an affair. I'm here because I am trying to understand why I would ever do such a thing.

LOL...again, don't take it personal. I wasn't talking about you. I'm very glad you're taking responsibility for what you did. Hopefully, you'll heal enough to stop being so paranoid. :-)