Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Bipolar episode or just cheating?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have been on this site for a little over a month now and have really gained a tremendous amount of insight from all here. It has truly been a blseesing. My wife and I are doing incredibly well considering it was less than 10 months ago since I found out about her sexual encounter with a complete stranger while on a mini-vacation with some of her girlfriends. We have really re-connected, refocused and become closer than we have probably ever been in our 14 years of marriage. So why is it that I am so obsessed with having to know if what she did was a result of some sort of "mania", "bipolar episode" or just a blatant disregard for me, my son and our marriage? There is a history in her family of these episodes, although she's never been diagnosed (father and sister) and the way she describes how she felt during this period (there was contact a for a few months after this encounter with the OM but nothing more), is so out of character for her. I even noticed before I found out what happened that she seemed alot different during this period of time. Looking back she says she didn't even feel comfortable in her own skin, doesn't even recognize who that person was and didn't want to be a mom anymore, just wanted to lose all responibility and have fun again. If anyone who has dealt with a similar issue could shed some light on this it would be greatly appreeciated. I am just being held back by this "needing to know why" and really want to move on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My H had been in a depression for 6 years when it happened. He truely wasn't the same man I married. He had lost interest in life, and only participated in the holidays, and birthdays, other things I would have to berate him about. Then all of a sudden he doesn't want to be that man anymore, he's involved with all the family events, he plays with his kids, he pays attention to me, he's doing repairs around the home. He says that man that hurt me "died". Anyone who knew my H before me said that the cheating was so out of character for him, and with the way he loved me they were all shocked. But I can't say that this is a result from his depression, I have to believe that this was a concious decision he made on his own. My sister in law is bi-polar and I knew her before she ever met my brother. And she has always been very commited to whoever her boyfriend was, never thought of cheating, quite the opposite, she tends to get clingy. And they have been together now for about 9 years.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I appreciate the insight shoegodess. I guess I keep looking for a "logical" explaination, but it may never be found. I continue to try and live in the "here and now" since it is really going well on that front, but my God it is so hard sometimes when the triggers come from nowhere. Just ask "why?"
deleted_user
deleted_user
the first time my H cheated he was acting totally out of character for him..mood swings and doing stuff he wouldn`t normally do like having a beer at work on the job with his supervisor...he doesnt normally drink except on our anniversary..

the second time he was with the slut he quit taking his meds because he thought he was better and didn`t need them anymore... again he wasn`t as patient at times and at others was like he was flying high..

the last time he quit taking his meds because he didn`t like how he felt on them ..he was having issues sexually and he said it made him feel like a zombie..

I do not allow him to use this as a total escape for his actions...the first time yes because we were not aware he was bipolar the rest he made the choice not to take his meds...

I hope this helps you some...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Tillman, I was about 34 when I went through this crap and started cheating on my husband. We had been married almost 16 yrs. I think that everyone gets a little restless because of our age and being married since we were just kids. I don't think that it has to do with Bi Polar, I think that it was a temptation and a moment of weakness that she gave into. But this is just my perspective because I did this at about the same age as your wife.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hate to sound cruel, and God knows, I would never post this on the Bi Polar message board, but..I dont believe it. I think this is just another excuse.
Damn it, being responsible, and being accounted for sucks.
Having a "mental disorder" is the easy way out to not accept responsability for your actions!
If I ever got cheating on my H, I will have to remember this one...Sorry honey, I didnt meant it, but you have to accept it because I am Bi Polar...Ya, ok! I wouldnt feel so comfortable in my skin either if I was consumed by guilt because I cheated on my souse.
If she feels she truely is Bi Polar, tell her to see a shrink and get some meds (like everyone else in this world) and settle her manic episodes down...or it will happen again.
Everyone wants to know Why, but usually, all we get are poor excuses.
Everyone wants to know WHY, but we dont all get what we want, and still have to decide what is best for us.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm not sure about it being a bipolar episode. I can tell you my H acted like a completely different person when he was having an affair. He no longer wanted the whole family life, me, or anything that went along with it. He wanted a fresh new start, it was like we were holding him back from what he really wanted in life, from reaching his goals. Now he has a totally different point of view, of course... but, I can tell you I thought he was totally fucking nuts when he was doing it.... He seriously was not himself, it was his body...his voice, but the words coming out and the way he acted.... totally selfish, thinking only of himself. So,I can only compare it to my H and it sounds similar... GROSE, huh?? He still has no idea "why" he did it... thinking it was temporary insanity or midlife crisis... Personally, I think he had a taste of that life and wanted more, without thinking of what he could lose in the process of chasing those empty desires.
There ya go buddy, there's my take... I think it's just selfish behavior, pure and simple.
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