Not sure how active this group is but will post here (vs. the divorce group where I primarily post).

In a nutshell, my husband of just over 20 years, has spent the past ten years slowly in contact rltnshps with other women. Started out strip bars, then internet sites, the porn and adult chat internet sites, progressed to phone sex, and just recently he has proclaimed he found OW who he wants to pursue a 'connection' with. She lives 1000 miles from us. Mid-December, he stated he wanted a divorce. I didn't take him seriously as he has said this so many times. On New Year's Day, he made it very clear that he did not love me anymore, he wants out, and we will divorce before our next move in July. (he is military and up for another change of duty station). Bear in mind we have been in and out of marriage counseling/therapy for five or six years (when his porn addiction really came to a head) and although I don't want to play the 'blame game', I feel I have changed for the better thru therapy (individual and couple). He had a very tragic childhood and suffered neglect, abandonment issues, etc and refuses to acknowledge these problems in therapy. I cannot force him. He, at one time, went to a psychologist who diagnosed him with sexual addictions. I must say that while raising four kids, I have not always been there in intimacy/sex dept. For many years, being close to him was the last thing on my mind. I am in need of validation for the choices I make (that they are right/good) and I never got this from him. So bottom line is we dont' fill each other's love tanks (yes, I get that from the Gary Chapman book). Fastforward to now....last week he spent three days away on business and I went thru our cellphone bill. There was a number repeatedly called from his cellphone and while he was there. I called the number and it is woman. Before I found this out, I repeatedly asked him in Nov. and Dec. if he was seeing someone..he denied it. Well, I guess I didn't use the right verb there...seeing vs. making a connection (yeah, right). He knows I know now and is doing nothing to hide it. He calls her from home, from his office, late at night from our bedroom. He has said he will move out if I can't accept what he is doing. We have four kids at home (one preteen and three in highschool). I have been a stay-at-home mom for many years and when I work, it is occasional subbing or primarily volunteer work here in my community. He said if he moves out, I have to work to pay his rent (he found a fully furnished apt for 1244/month) if I want to stay in the house with the kids until we move out this summer. I don't have the money. More than anything, I envisioned NOT disrupting and upsetting the lives of our kids with our divorce while they are in school. Now they ask why am I sleeping on a sofa in the living room. every. night. I am so tired as I don't sleep well on the sofa and not well anyways. Really the issue bothering me is that he is upstairs in our bed, calling her, having phone sex with her, chatting for hours with her via his laptop (and webcam). Here is the key issue w/me: I feel so belittled allowing this to go on under the same roof (literally above my head) but he is adamant about not coming back to me. He could leave but I don't think it will make me feel any better. When I bring up how it makes me feel, he gets angry and tells me to accept it as it is not going to change. I know this. Your comments/thoughts how I can get thru this or look at the situation differently? Thanks if you read all of this. I feel better, actually, just being able to get all this off my chest.