You need to punch something like a punching bag or a pillow or a couch. Punch something soft and yell and scream while you're doing it. Put his name or his picture on it and punch away. When you think you're finished, do it some more. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel.

Sorry...I see that you've already tried it. Have you made sure you screamed and called him all the names you want to call him while you were punching?

uh, you could torture him with running around the house in your sexy lingerie... that drove my H insane!!!! Or you could just get him a glass of water, sweetly, and put white vinegar in it. Or feed him brownies made with chocolate flavored exlax baked in them... I could go on...

I know how you feel. I am typically a very aggresive person. When I found out I hit my H a few times. For some reason the urge hasnt returned. I am very surprised I havent went after the ow. I hope you can get over your feelings. Do you run or work out??? You can let out alot of anger that way.

I HATE TO ADMIT THIS BUT I HAVE HIT MY HUSBAND ALSO. I HAVE BEEN SO OUT OF MY MIND AND AT TIMES SO ENRAGED THAT I HAVE HIT HIM, AND THREW THINGS AT HIM. I HATE TO SAY THIS AND I DON'T WANT OTHERS TO FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS BUT......I DON'T REGRET IT.

IT WAS REALLY HARD AND STILL IS FOR ME TO ACCEPT NOT ONLY THAT HE CHEATED BUT THAT HIS WHORE WILL FOREVER BE A PART OF OUR LIVES BECAUSE OF THEIR CHILD. I WANT TO PUNCH HIM JUST THINKING ABOUT IT....SORRY

I tried writing a letter to my husband that I didn't give him. I wrote down every mean nasty violent hurtful thing I wanted to in that letter. Maybe writing out your feelings like that would help. I liked what someone else suggested about running and walking, doing some form of exercise. You could try individual counseling or a self help book like Dr. Frank Gunzburg's how to survive an affair which can be ordered online http://www.howtosurvivetheaffair.com/oi_ty.php

This is just a thought but have you ever considered martial arts as a way to get out your aggression and learn some self defense at the same time?

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach too. It's good that you've toned it down to slapping him on the cheek. I've wanted to do that too. One person who tried Dr. Gunzburg's book, wanted to stab her husband! Then later, the urges to hurt him turned to the humiliation and sadness she felt instead and she did get through all those hard emotions over time.

It's good that you're thinking and not acting upon your urges. Keep trying different things until you find something that helps. You can do it. I can see you have a good head on your shoulders.

Foxy, I like the way you think. ;) So, I take it running around the house in lingerie tortured him because he couldn't have you at that point? You're a very smart woman. :)

Eight months later, and I still have the urges. Wanted to cave in today. Why? Cause my daughter's school was on lockdown, so was OW's school as her son attends my daughter's school now. And I could not find out what was going on so I called X knowing he would know cause of OW. No replies then I found out that a boy threatened another boy with a gun--one from his parents. A service revolver (which means cop) and my X and his GF are cops. Found out this boy is same age as OW's son. Rumor when I picked up daughter, it was her son cuz certain kids have been teasing him for his Mom being a "hoe". The ramifications of his affair--still has not stopped!! And he does not care. Her son is messed up. My X his 4th step dad in his 14th year of life! And has moved every 2yrs cuz his Mom can't keep her legs closed. Feel sorry for her kids. But now, my kid was put in harm's way! So yeah, I feel very violent toward him and her right now.

I have attacked him several times and left scars for life. I just wat him to hurt too somehow

When I hit the angry stage I wanted to beat the living crap out of my H & the OW.I used to plan how I'd do it & when I'd do it. Sick!!! I did however slap my H in the face several times when he told me he loved her. He said he didn't deserve to live so why not kill him and release his pain? I couldn't believe how angry & hurt I became. It wasn't like me at all. We have never touched each other in a harmful physical way- not ever. It's never happened again & he hasn't ever physically hurt me.

Thanks everyone for your ideas. I do exercise regularly, at least it helps me feel better about myself. I tried running(which I hate) one day to try to dissipate my anger but that didn't help. I think I will try the picture on the item I punch next time and like Jay said, keep going even when I think I'm done. I would so love to stop waking up in the middle of the night with bad thoughts and fighting the urge to smack him while he lays there defenseless. Sigh...smirk... secret fantasy #1. Do you think if I did, he would ever want to lay next to me again? Hmmm...

I want mine to feel some of the pain I feel but I just don't know of anything that would cause him to feel that much pain. Surely not hitting or punching him. The thing that I think would hurt him the most is if I could take all of our assets from him and leave him flat broke and nowhere to go.

One more thing, I was watching the sitcom "Reba" yesterday and saw the most awesome thing. For those of you who haven't watched before, her H cheated on her and is now married to the OW. Well, he did something that left them(he and Reba) owing back taxes big time. Reba was really ticked. Her X said if it was any help, he felt really bad. She said "lets not leave things like this" and called him over with what looked like a hug and when he got there she sucker-punched him in the gut. It was great!! I yelled out YES!!! Man I love Reba! Get your happiness when you can, people!

Im not suggesting this, but I knocked my ex fiances lights the hell out. A few times.

take up kickboxing, or running or jogging. Its much better on your knuckles, and feet, and pans and pots, and toes...

ok going to put a disclaimer before i respond.. Do Not Try This...LOL

violent urges hell yeah tons of them...the first time I found out he had cheated I broke his nose and almost busted his jaw with my fist... I then pushed him out the door and backwards down the stairs...

this last time I poppped him in the face a few times opened the door and shoved his ass out of it...

now I can actually talk to him without being angry and all but their was quite a while that I couldnt....

I now have a punching bag in the basement and a pair of boxing gloves....also have an excercise bike and a bowflex ( most were his but I kept LOL) it does help