
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Anyone actually gain something positive from this experience (if it is at all possible)?
For example, I feel much more independant...and it is helping me & my marriage.
During our free time, my H & I do everything with our children and once a weekend go out together after they're in bed.
If we do something separately, I don't call to check up, I don't wait by the phone, the door...I enjoy the time by myself. Hell, if he wanted to cheat he would and at one time did, on top of all my monitoring.
So now, I just let it be. I'm learning to trust him again and feel happy knowing if something ever happened, I would just take my children and go - or make him go. Case closed. I wouldn't feel that need for him anymore.
Anyone know what I mean?
For example, I feel much more independant...and it is helping me & my marriage.
During our free time, my H & I do everything with our children and once a weekend go out together after they're in bed.
If we do something separately, I don't call to check up, I don't wait by the phone, the door...I enjoy the time by myself. Hell, if he wanted to cheat he would and at one time did, on top of all my monitoring.
So now, I just let it be. I'm learning to trust him again and feel happy knowing if something ever happened, I would just take my children and go - or make him go. Case closed. I wouldn't feel that need for him anymore.
Anyone know what I mean?
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I do think that now both of us are willing to help each other more. Neither of us was really up to working on the marriage until this happened. This is NOT the way that I would suggest someone gets the spouse to work on the marriage. But, at least we're doing that now. Plus, she's gotten help for the anger and the abuse has stopped. She's really a different person and she's now learning how to open up and really share what's in there.
Now, I live for me.
hey i too feel better and more independent. i am a SAHM and i often don't even get out of my pajamas (especially when all of this was hitting me hard) but i have noticed that when i dress up, put on a little bit of eye makeup and lip gloss, i have so much confidence(and it makes my husband crazy-he is always asking where i am going and where i have been!!) i to agree that if he decides to ever do this again, a divorce will the least of his worries.
I don't recommend this pain though to anyone, and tonite is not a good night. We are seeing a new counselor, and beyond that have gone out more than we had been in I can't remember when and even today went to brunch because we were supposed to go out to dinner on Friday, but he got sick at work and actually apologized, then thought of the brunch all on his own, the actually remembered about it, which also is new.
BUT, I have been having a rough few days and it's been a couple weeks since we have really talked about anything of substance, and yep, broke down into just a fight...he thinks he is answering my questions, I don't think he is, I don't think he has the "right" to get pissy..etc..
I am at bottom right now.
I would give anything for the affair to NOT have happened.
But since it did, I have become a lot MORE selfish! This is a good thing because I have always done for others before myself. My ind therapist told me, "Don't worry about becoming too selfish, you won't, and he (my H) will never be in danger of becoming too unselfish! This has remained true.
I now leave some of the household chores for him and he does them automatically. I realized I had spoiled him rotten! You might think that that would make a person grateful but the exact opposite happened, he began to feel entitled to have more and more.
One of my favorite books on infidelity says, this is common, the one who is giving less, is the one who cheats. Strange, but now that I think about it, how many of us are really grateful for the things we have. We take our homes, hot showers and plenty of everything for granted and always want more. Unless of course, we are threatened with losing it all.