Has anyone here been married to a serial adulterer - someone who has had more than 1-2 affairs over the course of years - chosen to stay and now has a successful happy marriage? My husband says he loves me, he says he is changed now that he's gone back to church, he says this last one was because he was worried about my health problems, afraid to talk to me and needed someone to talk to so he called an old friend from his old job. She came to see him and it escalated into a physical relationship because I was so depressed about my health I'd basically shut him out. After the physical aspect started, because he needed the comfort, he found himself confused. He cared about her as friend, but he says he confused it with love, although he swears he never told her he loved her. He says now he knows he never really loved her, he was just hurting and needed someone. I told him I was hurting and scared too and that's what makes his actions worse than any time before. My husband has had several sexual flings and four "romantic" relationships in our 22 years. I just don't know what to do this time. I have a lot to lose if I leave him and I ache when I think of putting my kids through a divorce. Am I a fool? Is there any chance at all? Has anyone here finally made it work? Last night he told me he is at peace in his heart for the first time in years because he knows in his soul that he won't cheat again. He has been very remorseful and has opened up with me more than ever before. He's cried a lot and says he wants to help me to trust him again, he wants to be my lifeline that I can grab when I'm drowning. I know he says he's disgusted with his own actions but I can't help wondering how sincere he is. Ive heard a lot of these things before. The only difference is he has come back to God and to church. We are in counseling and working on a dialogue program we learned in a Retrouvaille program through our church. He says he feels better than ever about our relationship because now we are talking and he knows how to communicate with me, although he still says he doesn't know how to pull me out of my depression. He understands now, though, that he can't pull me out of my depression. Only I can do that. Just like the only one who can decide to love me and be faithful to me is him. I can't do it for him. I am having a really hard time with this on top of everything else going wrong in my life. Am I stupid to try and go forward and give this at least 3-6 months in counseling before I make any decisions about staying permanently or leaving? I've been with him since I was 17 and I'm 42 now. I don't know how to be with anyone else. I don't know how to start over again and I have so much to lose. Can anyone help me with some advice or just tell me they made it work? Has anyone just ignored the affairs, like Hillary Clinton maybe, and stayed because leaving would have cost them too much? I don't want to be a married single. I think I still love him, but I love the man I married who pops up once in a while, not this man who made a lifetime out of lying and deceit. Can he go back? I know you don't know him so you can't really say. I'm just so utterly confused I don't know what to do.
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