I'm 34 years old and my wife (34 yo) and I have been married for almost 9 years. My first, and her second. About 5 months ago she started hanging around some new girlfriends who beleive in going out to bars, drinking and being "your own person". I could see a definate changer in her attitude and behavior and she almost became downright cocky/defiant towards me. It was all about "the girls" and I guess about having fun. These women are all married with children, but have all had affairs and therefore normalize this behavior. My wife used to be the most conservative, Christian, mother/wife of the year candidate, before she started hanging around these girls. She/we has a 12 yo stepson from her first marriage and we have a 7 yo girl and 2 yo boy together. I just found out last Friday that she's been having an affair for the past 3 months. We had been going to couples counseling for about 3 weeks before I found THE e-mail. My world is upside down right now and she says that she doesn't feel that she can even TRY to work it out because she's no longer "in love" with me. After 3 months, she wants to just quit? I'm devastated, to say the least. My doctor put me on anti-depressants and sleep medication and I've lost about 15 lbs. We are still living together and she "says" that she's ended the relationship so she can be back home "for the kids only". She says she's torn about working it out b/c she doesn't want to hurt the kids with a divorce but yet she won't try ANYTHING to work on our marriage. She's defensive with everthing I do (helping with the housework,kids, cooking dinner, etc.)and claims that I'm trying too hard to "get her back". Can you beleive this? She cheated on me and I'm trying too hard to get her back! She won't talk to her mom (who's always been her close confidant) because her mom is livid and has told her that she needs to do the right thing and work on the marriage for her kids. She still speaks with the some of the women who have condoned this behavior and I don't see any changes other than the school year starting again (she's a teacher) I've been continuing my therapy and have been praying incessantly. There are several prayer warrior networks that have been doing the same. I'm not naive. I know that I can't make her love me, but has anyone been in a similar boat and actuall succeeded in working out the marriage. My kids are my life but I don't want to waste my time and emotional well being since it takes two people to make a marriage work. Please help!
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