Is she still living in your family home? My husband had his fantasy with 2 OW at the same time. When I found out I told him if he continued, he would have to move out. He did not want to lose what we had so did sever the emotional relationship with them, with a little help from me. I know it is hard for you, but you have to talk to her and tell she needs to make a choice. Just as an affair is a 2 sided relationship, so must reconcilliation be if you can get her to think about what she will lose. You can't go on in limbo and she needs to let you know where she stands, so you can make an informed decision of where you want this to go. It is difficult without communication and I hope you can get her to talk. Try not to be confrontational. Good luck... you are at the beginning of a long road.

maybe show her for a day or two what it would be like without you ....pack up a few things and head for a friend or family members house.

I think soinlove has the right idea. I packed my stuff and moved out. I left photos of our happiest time together on the walls, took my stuff and left. He walked into a semi empty house with memories clinging to every room. My cupboard empty (with just hangers and things he had bought me hung up in it).

He apparently fell to the floor in tears, with the realisation of what he had done and was at my doorstep in a matter of minutes, begginG me to come home.

The only problem is, I didn't follow him back home and decided he needed to know what it was like to live without me for a while. I now know that he is not good enough for me and I deserve so much more and would prefer to be alone forever than someone's 2nd choice.

Whatever you decide, remember that you deserve true love and happiness. You deserve someone who loves and appreciates you. You deserve someone who wants to share your journey through life with you as your partner and friend.

***Lots of love and hugs through the airways***

I agree with the others that you should pack your things and leave or better yet pack her a suitecase or two and tell her that she has to go ...she is that one stepping out on her family...I would tell her if she can't make up her mind than you will have to make up yours... Remember Don't make someone a priority to you if your only a choice to them..

I would try talking to her one last time and explain that its the last time you're going to try and talk. If you can, take the kids and go on a mini-vaca. Even if its to a relatives house; dont tell her where you're going. Once you are removed from the situation, she will open her eyes; good or bad. If your aware of whats going on, and she doesnt want to even try and make things better, why are you still there? Best of wishes!

i can tell you exactly what to do, but you will be scared to do it!! i have been through this and i know this is the truth. you need to look her in the eyes and tell her you are leaving. tell her you love her but you will not be a doormat any longer. if you tell her this you have to mean it!! if she loves you then she will stop what she is doing. if she doesn't then her heart isn't yours anyway. i was told this at the time my husbands afair was taking place and i wouldn't listen. i thought i would lose him and he would go with her. i just stayed and allowed him to almost destroy me. finally i had enough and i left him and started to date another man. this got his attention very fast. all of the crying i had done for almost a year only caused him to see the weakness in me and he proceeded to see his woman and didn't care what it was doing to me. when i turned the tables on him he did a turn around and dropped her in the dust. the terrible thing about this is that i couldn't do this until i no longer wanted him as my husband. if i had been able to do this when i felt love for him my marriage may have been saved. if you can just do this it will do one of two things. she will come back to you or she will not care. now think about this??? do you want her to stay if she doesn't love you? do you want to find out if she loves you? as long as she can have you there and do this with the other man, she will do it! this is the way the game is played. it is sad but true. i hate game playing but i found this advise i got was accurate. refuse to be her doormat. leave her and i guarantee you she will take notice. if she doesn't honey it is just a matter of time anyway. i have been through more adultry with my ex husb than anyone should ever have to deal with. he helped me be somewhat of an expert on this subject.