Well, I am going on 9 months. Not so much anger now, because although she and X are the reason I lost my job and the domino effect that has caused, wow. Well, anyways, I should be able to take control by now, ya think? Get a new job, get another home. I get very depressed knowing she is living in MY house, enjoying what use to be mine and most important, what use to bring me such joy and happiness. But I have heard they are not happy. Neither am I though. But figure, what more can she do now? As long as I dont touch her or bother her, there is no more she can do. Hence, why I am not going back to my old job in the Court system or any jobs that could bring me into contact with her or X. Not worth the potential pain, anger--all the dramas coming back.

This is a great question and one I continue to struggle with. I found out for sure 6 weeks ago, had a gut feeling for months prior though. I dont know this woman and she used to work with my H. He lost his job in a layoff but the affair continued until he ended it about 2 weeks prior to my finding out. I sent her an email and she never answered. I am not even sure if she got it because I know he set up a private email account just for their correspondence and she may have done the same, and that is the email address that I have.
I have this overwhelming urge to call her H and tell him. I have his contact information and I believe he deserves to know. The thought of inflicting that pain on someone is what holds me back. He doesnt deserve it, although she damn sure does. What would you do? I dont know about getting past the anger if it can ever happen. At the end of the day it is your spouse my spouse that cheated but these people were fully aware.
Please tell me what you think.

filled you said you arent sure about telling her H about the affair... if he knew and you didnt would you want him to tell you... he does have the right to know..

as for still being angry with the slut.. yeah I am I think she had nerve knowing he was married and still sleeping with him...

sra I would say they are both getting what they deserve being miserable with each other..I feel for you that you dont have your house and stuff anymore but at least you dont have to deal with him anymore...

I wish all of you the best and remember to Take Care of YOU

lostnlonely
to answer your question i absolutley would want to know. i asked my H a million times when i suspected. sometimes though men are different not sure if her H would want to know. I certainly dont want to inflict pain on him???

I understand that not wanting to inflict pain on him but what if she gives him something that is not curable.. if it were me I would tell him..if I could find the sluts H`s phone number I would let him know what type of tramp he is married to , not to hurt him but to enable him to make a choice whether he wants to stay with her or not... I know it would be a difficult conversation to have just let him know that you bust your H and his W and you just thought he might like to know what she is doing behind his back ... Take Care of YOU

lost

i am going to do that. I will call him tomorrow and I will let you know how it goes.
rms
sorry for taking over your thread. the way i see it though of course you have anger toward the OW but he is the one who was in a committed relationship with you, she was not. he is the one who chose to cheat on you,

oddly, i've never really been angry at the OW. My biggest struggle is trying to keep my head above water. I've been bumbed before but never to this extent. The depression I've been struggling with is overwhelming. I can't do laundry, dishes, anything I don't have to do. I then look at my husband and want to pull his head off because my reactions are his doing. Don't know if this is on topic but there seems to be a run of off topic replies on this thread. Hopefully those who are also depressed will find solce in the fact they're not alone.

My husbands lover pursued him diligently and used every trick in the book to get him to leave his relationship with me! I dont know about you but I would never do that! To another woman and her kids? Under no circumstances would I get involved in a relationship in which I would be a secret! I dont know anyone who would do that. There are ethics, rules of conduct and we all know right from wrong deep in our hearts. Think about it. Could you do that with someone's husband? Just say, "oh, well, her problem"! I doubt you could.

I am not angry with my wife anymore,I feel sorry for her,,,I believe we will all be judged on our actions one day and she will have lots of expaining to do...as far as the other guy..I will always be angry at him,,he knew she was married and did it anyway...if it wasnt for the fact that I do believe we will be judged one day, I would have hurt him a long time ago...so now I just basically make sure we are never in the same room together so that doesnt happen and he goes on about his life happy. Not a problem in the world.

For years, I was angry at the OW when I finally had to realize that it was my H I needed to be mad at. He wasn't an innocent party. I guess I felt that if I wasn't so angry at him, we could patch things up. Yes, you are angry - but don't let it take over your life. Move on.

I agree. I have been mad for a long time now, but ultimately it is my H who did all this. He goes around and tells women he is single and will not wear his ring. I do not like the other women he has cheated on me with, but I guess it is more my H's fault.

It's only been a month for me since finding out about my wife's affair. I am frious at the other man,of course, He is also married and played on ym wife's insecurities and fantasies to convince her the two were playing out some sort of Guenivere/Lancelot romance. I am also incredibly angry with my wife, and I dont know when that might go away. But more than anything, I am so profoundly disappointed in her. I truly thought she was a better person than that. I think there might be some forgiveness some day, but Im never going to get over the diappointment.

good Lord which one? there have been several..

I do have a very difficult time with this...while I blame him, I have to blame her as well. She knew he was married and she continued on with him anyway. not only did she do that but became pregnant and he "funded" her abortion. The thought makes me ill. Did either one of them think about the other children involved? (meaning ours and hers) Hell no! I just dont know how to forgive that one. Perhaps that forgiveness is just not up to me.

It's been 10 months for me too and yes I do blame the OW as well. In my case she was not this innocent ,unknowing person. She was a married co-worker who knew he was married. She pursued him and pusued him...sometimes flying out thousands of miles to surprize him when he was away on business...
She was married 30 years and had affairs with married co-workers from the start of her marriage. And when my husband dropped her like a hot potato after DDay-she never even blinked. Never called, emailed, etc. Because she never cared about him- it's not about love or even sex for her-its some kind of warped way of feeling powerful. She can get a married guy to betray his wife for her.I can't even go into stuff she did-exposing herself to guys at work (yes she is supposedly a professional woman)...so she's a total nut...and guess what? she's now pursuing another married co-worker!

She's pathetic. Please dont feel jealous of someone like that. It is amazing to me that there are people out there like that.