I thought it was ok at one time, not so much anymore...I didnt even think anything of it when my H and her became friends...well I am not so naive anymore...

i know some will totally disagree with me but i really think it is hard for men and woman to be friends. i know there are some who can but i know in a lot of cases, it just does not work. my husband use to work with a lot of woman and now he works with all men, i like his new job so much better.

No, if feel the same way that you do. We had an issue come up about a My Space account that I knew nothing about. I only found out because I answered his cell phone message to find a woman asking him out for drinks late on a week night. When I called her back and asked her where she knew him from she told me and said that they were just friends (ya right). He "had" several girl "friends" that he met on there that have his e-mial address and personal cell phone #. I told him how disrespectful it was and to cut off all contact. He did but still feels that there is nothing wrong with what he was doing. I asked him if he would like it if the shoe was on the other foot and he said no but I know for a fact that he would go nuts if I pulled something like that. The thing about it is that he knows how respectable and honest that I am and I would never lower myself to do someone else harm (physical, emotional or other).

I certainly talk to lots of people, but I don't have female friends. My wife is my female friend. Her affair started with a male friend, so she learned her lesson from that.

I thought so at one time. I think it depends on what activies you are doing with the other person? I have a best friend who is male. I used to be his "work wife". My husband has a good friend at work how is female. I was not OK with that until I met her. I am feeling a bit guilty and I don't know if I should or not - My H and I have a male friend who is going through a divorce. We email back/forth, but it's stuff about our kids or school. As long as it doesn't cross a line or make your partner feel uncomfortable; I think its OK.

i heard some good advice one time, and it has held me in good stead ever since. And that is, to never be alone with a person of the opposite sex, and if you are friends with a person that is, then make sure the spouse is included on what activities go on, or always be in public with multiple people around, ones that are friends with the spouse as well... ones that one knows will report suspicious activity... and if you ever feel a need to hide something that went on... then something is wrong, and should be fixed immediately.
For instance, i was hanging out with a girl and some of our friends once, she took me aside, and basically started hitting on me, i told her that i couldn't, because i was in a very loving relationship with my SO(her pics are in my profile)... and when i got home that night, i immediately told her what happened, and i decided, before even mentioning it to her, that i was not going to be seeing her without my Other around.
Now, i have a few female friends that i consider family, and i am not attracted to them in "that" way... maybe i am wired different than most guys... but they truly are my best friends. But if any of them try a move on me... then i will have to do the same with them... at best, and if they insist on the trying to tempt or woo me... then, even though i will hate to do it, i will kick them to the curb, because even though they are really good friends... my Kim is much more important to me

I believe that it IS wrong to have any kind of a relationship outside your marriage....It sends the wrong message anc leads to cheating! This is based on experience!

There is a book called, "No Just Friends" and it said, No, NEVER, NEVER be friends with opposite sex...
That is how MH affair stated... They were friends at work... She was his supervisor and he was helping her, because she had just come into his department... The flirting started and one thing lead to another...

Because of our problems in the marriage,
(my depression because of my mother's death, etc..) he thought that he could go outside our marriage and get his needs met... and I would never know...

Well, he didn't realize the terrible burden of guilt....

NO, NO never talk to the opposite sex and even at work don't share any personal details of your life....only work...

Women to women and men to men is fine, but not opposites, if you want to keep your marriage good...

The book is Called, "Not Just Friends"... I wish we could edit these replies..

I'm not familiar with My Space-I have heard about and even checked it out and felt no interest really. I have never involved myself in any chat room type of thing and have felt that this could lead to possible cheating with those that do. My son did have a problem with this and I really did believe he was not this kind of person at all. It just wasn't him and I was rather shocked when it happened. So I have always tried avoiding any form of chatting. This site here is the 1st, I've allowed myself to post any comments.

When I learned of my H cheating-it started with emails (with a girl he was engaged to over 30 years ago). Learning this, I felt betrayed with this, alone. It went to phone calls (cell) to the eventual seeing one another. If this happened with a stranger met through some chatting room, I would have felt even more betrayed. I would feel he was looking for something/someone different.

BUT-I would think being involved with a chatting site and a person gives his/hers email address-there is some interest, of some kind. And I would be extremely upset when they give their phone number out. To me, anyways, shows a definite interest in having things go farther. In my eyes, this is unexcusable-absolutely no reason to-unless????

I have had many male friends that I had no, absolute, interest in, other than being friends. And, I don't encourage them to visit me when I'm home alone. I do this out of respect for my H and wouldn't like him doing this either.

I used to think it was ok to be friends with the opposite sex, and maybe it IS ok for some people, but not for me. It's just too easy for me to end up attracted to them, and it doesn't even have to be a physical attraction. My OM wasn't really all that attractive at all, but he was a real sweetheart with a great personality. At first, I was trying to find a girl for him because he was kind of shy and afraid of rejection. I still hope he finds a girl for himself, but he has to find her on his own. It's a shame I allowed things to go to far with him. I do miss his friendship, but because of what happened, I will never be able to see him or talk to him ever again. Nope, the only male friends I'll have from now on are the ones my husband is friends with, and ONLY when he's with me!!

I agree with you...its okay to be friendly and talk with members of the opposite sex at work of course but calling and sending texts..NO...I would only be okay with that if the person was a friend of BOTH partners and the husband or wife is sure its just a friend thing......otherwise NO

This is exactly what has been going on with my H. He doesn't see anything wrong with talking to another woman or texting her. But I told him when it came to the point of him doing it behind my back so that I "wouldn't get upset", to me that is CHEATING!!!

I'm in total agreement with you. I don't have friend of the opposite sex. The men that I work with are strictly that. Co-workers. No outside contact! I feel that is the way it should be. I'm selfish and don't want to share my H with anyone (OW). I hope that he is beginning to understand that.

I think any friendship can be okay if the people involved are happy with who they are and with their partners. But you have to make sure that it stays that way. And in defense of MySpace.com, I do have an acct. there and it is only to make friends. But when I opened the acct. up there was lots of married men and single ones hitting on me. I changed my acct. to private and didn't have the problem anymore. I do have a couple of male friends there but am not interested in having a relationship with them or any other man. One of these friends rode a bus for 12 hours to meet me after we had been friends for a few months. He just wanted to meet me face to face. We don't have a sexual relationship of any kind and care for each other only as friends. He respects me for who I am and I do him. So it all depends on what you're looking for and your true motives. I don't need a man in my life other than friends. I can have male friends because I understand men pretty well because I was raised with lots of brothers. I have a lot of my nieces and nephews as friends on MySpace and that's the only way that we can stay in touch because we don't live close to each other. It's not a site just for cheaters or people wanting to hook up. I've had people on this site want to hook up. I told them that they were on the wrong site because this site is for people who are in pain and not a dating site. Anyone can be your friend as long as you set boundaries that neither of you cross.

I have several strictly platonic female friends. Several of them I have known since High School. I have no attraction toward these friends and don't feel that my friendship with them is harmful ... but I only have contact with these friends once every 2-3 months at most. If you become friends with a mamber of the opposite sex and spend a lot of time with them on a daily basis, then there may be trouble.

This having been said, my ex emotionally abandoned me. I am not sure if there were "male" friends in her social group, but I do know that she spent a HUGE amount of time with her "girlfriends". She turned to them for emotional support and to confide in them. She chose her female friends over me and our children. ANY friendship can detract from the married relationship if COMMUNCICATION between spouses is not placed at a high priorty and you are completely honest with each other. JMO