Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Am I stupid?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have known for over 6 months about my husband's affair. There are days when things are great, and there are days when I want to die. I have stayed. Initially, I think it was for the children. But now, I think it is more for me. Yes, he is a habit. But I also love him. I just feel so stupid because it went on for so long and with my best friend. But what is so weird is that things are better than they have ever been. He is a better husband, father, and friend. He buys me little gifts, leaves me sweet notes, and helps with household duties that he never did before. He answers all my questions and honestly he is pretty patient with my bad days. He is definitely not perfect and gets angry after awhile that I keep harping on the affair some days. He has said that if I will move on we would have such a wonderful life. He has told me that he made a horrible decision that he will have to live with and regret for the rest of his life, but I also made a decision to stay. The thing is, he's exactly right. But there are days when I feel like I need him to "pay" for what he did and the only way to pay is to make him miserable. As a rational adult I know this isn't right and is definitely not good for my children. I guess what I'm asking is does everyone think I'm stupid for trying to make it work? Even though the other woman is possibly pregnant with his child? I just feel so lost some days and alone. I know this is the only place I can go where people DO know what I'm going through. Thanks for all your help!
deleted_user
deleted_user
One thing to remember is this is your life. Nobody has the right to point fingers about what you're doing. If you can live with it then fine. I think sometimes it takes a stronger person to stay than to leave. Just do what's right for you and yours and the rest will fall into place. He seems to be remorseful and is willing to spend the rest of his life being by your side. I say good for you if this is what makes you happy. *hugs*
deleted_user
deleted_user
i dont think you are stupid at all. he sounds like he wants you. is willing to admit he made a horrible choice and not blame you for it. i understand the good days and bad. its normal. it has to be. i think you have made an incredibly strong choice by staying and oddly enough, i get the sense that you both deserve another chance at this.. im sorry it's so hard. noone should ever have to go thru this, but when we do, it will ultimately make us stronger individuals and hopefully a stronger couple if that is the road you choose to stay on. its ok to have bad days as long as you are having some good ones as well. find a balance. YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Cathy and Nikolc it is nice to know that you also think he is remorseful. Sometimes I think maybe its just me because I love him so much. But what I write is true. He really does all those great things. In fact, I was looking at the computer and noticed someone (it had to be him) had been looking up tickets for the nutcracker. He knows I love this ballet at christmas time. That's the kind of things he does now that he never did before. He isn't perfect and isnt always as patient as I would like him to be when I bring up the affair, but when I'm having a good day and thinking rationally, would I want someone bringing up to me my biggest mistake and wanting to talke about it over and over? Anway, thanks for the comments, they really do make me feel better!
deleted_user
deleted_user
remember that its ok to feel good too. i think we forget that sometimes. we are allowed to feel good again. we are allowed to love them even more. we are allowed to forgive.
happy friday DS friends!!
pianogirl
pianogirl
Don't be so hard on yourself, dear. Six months is not long enough to have moved on from something as painful as this, especially with a pregnancy looming in the background. You are not stupid for for trying to make it work, but he should not expect you to have "moved on" completely. This is an extreme trauma that is going to take some time. It does sound like he wants to make it work, too, so you have hope of someday not feeling so lost and lonely, but for now, you are not wrong to have those angry days where you want him to share your misery. With all the forgiving you've had to do, he could stand to do a little when you have a rough day.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If he has been honest with you, if he truly is sorry and if he is being understanding and he realizes it will take time for you to heal,,,and if he is willing to do whatever it takes for you to trust him again, then its worth a shot..I think it all depends on his attitude and behavior..however if he gives you reason,,any reason to even suspect he is cheating again....I think you should leave.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi April..it's me, Kat.. you know what I'm gonna say.. ENJOY the moment. Feel his love and love him back w/all your heart. If he is as sorry as he says (& we need to believe that- for he's said it over & over, and you see he's being a better H) then he will get the punishment he deserves every time he looks in your eyes and he sees your pain. You are so FAR from stupid for staying. You are staying with the man you love, the man that loves you back, a man that has made (and admitted to making) terrible/selfish choices in his life; but, is working and trying his damnedest to make amends. There are so many of us out there that would give anything for just a moment of what you have and so few of you out there that have a H that is willing to do anything to make it work. Granted, nothing is a 100%, it could all change tommorrow; but, what we have to live for is today. He wants your marriage, he wants you, he wants his family to be whole again... it can work, let it. You'll (we'll) always be sad, hurt and angry. I believe your judgement is going to work; it's all in time. Let your marriage heal and become strong; for when her baby does come, you will both need each other. Take care...
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