If you have read my past posts you know i am a cheater. I have realized my issue and am working on it everyday. I had a long talk with my self and god and i set my mind on i want to change and i want to be with my wife and kids. When i was cheating i said some hurtful things to my wife and i know it was because i knew i had made a big mistake and couldn't deal with looking her in the face so i tried to push her away well thats not what i wanted. I have set my mind on doing what ever it takes to show i can change and save my marriage. over the past three weeks we have been staying together and i have been doing every thing i never did before. Helping around the house, not complaining when she doesn't want to be touched but telling her i love her every 2minutes and touching her every chance i get. there has been a few times she has asked me to leave over the past week and i have told her i will not leave and if she really wanted me gone she would have to have me physicaly removed and look me in the face and tell me she doesn't love me anymore. I have set done with my step daughter who i have been a father to since i was 17 and she is eleven and explained to her that the way dad has acted and some of the choices i have made over the last seven years are not the way you live and dad has not been a very good role model. there are times my wife says i love you back and then there are times that she says she only says it because she feels sorry for me. I have done real good about not being upset in front of the kids. I know i can't change what i did in the past but only choose what i do in the future. My wife has told me she has to put her foot down because she can't get over i slept with another women and everytime i touch her that is what she thinks about. It kills me when she says that because i don't want to see her hurt. I can not give up and i am draining my self in every way. I tore my shoulder up at work and have been on workmens comp and may have to have surgey but i don't say anything to her about my physical pain because i feel no matter how bad i feel emotionaly and physicaly it does not compare to her pain. i refuse to leave my family aslong as i am living and i have told her i will sleep in the parking lot in front of the apartment every night aslong as i am close to my family. i am going to consuling starting monday and i asked my wife to go and she said no that i didn't want to go before so now its to late. I will continue to fight and not give up. Anyone help me out. This is the first time i real have asked for help.
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