Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Its been 9 months since the LAST time that my BF cheated on me (a week b4 I had his son btw) tonight is the first time that he has been away from me since... I am trying to be strong and just trust him (he is with his family in PA) oh yeah (a former "sex friend" from the past lives in PA as well and a few years ago I saw an IM convo between the 2 of them that was sexual to say the least but he claims that they have had no contact since then) so now...
I feel like I am going mad because trying to trust him hasn't been easy because he has cheated and tried to cheat on me no less than 8 times (not counting all the secret screen names, emails, myspace accts, IM convos, and telephone conversations that I've found out about over the years) and yes some would say that its stupid to stay with someone who has done so much wrong to me in the 5 yrs that we've been together. However, I do love him dearly. I have 2 children from a previous relationship that love him and a baby with him who adores him. This is my family and I love my family with everthing that I have and I really want things to work. He says that he's realized that over the years he has been very selfish and he was trying to "have his cake and eat it too (literally)" but that is all behind him now. He says that he realizes that he has made huge mistakes and wants more than anything to prove to me that he can be trusted and that he does want to marry me and for us to have a "good life" together. Needless to say I don't believe him because I have heard some of these things from him before. I feel more betrayed than ever because he strayed while I was carrying his child... that was the one time I thought I was safe because I thought that even if he didn't love and respect me, he'd at least respect our unborn child enough to not risk bringing "anything" home. He strayed 2wice while I was pregnant. I feel foolish for wanting to believe him when he says that he's changed. I just don't know what to do... I guess I am just venting and telling my story right now but if anyone has any advice or understands where I'm coming from please share... Am I CRAZY?!!!
I feel like I am going mad because trying to trust him hasn't been easy because he has cheated and tried to cheat on me no less than 8 times (not counting all the secret screen names, emails, myspace accts, IM convos, and telephone conversations that I've found out about over the years) and yes some would say that its stupid to stay with someone who has done so much wrong to me in the 5 yrs that we've been together. However, I do love him dearly. I have 2 children from a previous relationship that love him and a baby with him who adores him. This is my family and I love my family with everthing that I have and I really want things to work. He says that he's realized that over the years he has been very selfish and he was trying to "have his cake and eat it too (literally)" but that is all behind him now. He says that he realizes that he has made huge mistakes and wants more than anything to prove to me that he can be trusted and that he does want to marry me and for us to have a "good life" together. Needless to say I don't believe him because I have heard some of these things from him before. I feel more betrayed than ever because he strayed while I was carrying his child... that was the one time I thought I was safe because I thought that even if he didn't love and respect me, he'd at least respect our unborn child enough to not risk bringing "anything" home. He strayed 2wice while I was pregnant. I feel foolish for wanting to believe him when he says that he's changed. I just don't know what to do... I guess I am just venting and telling my story right now but if anyone has any advice or understands where I'm coming from please share... Am I CRAZY?!!!
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
One of the reasons your head feels like it's spinning right now is because he's leaving your supervision to be near what you called a sex budy is like being betrayed again. You do not trust him so you feel that he's cheating on you again. You cannot heal till you feel without any doubt that he has completely stopped his "cake eating."
Normally, I try to look on the bright side of the situations. Sounds like your partner has strayed many times and has given you the 'i will change' line before. What has changed now to fully enable this change he's promising? I think counseling is the way to go. Hopefully, the therapist can help your partner understand the complete devestating effects cheating can do not only to the relationship but the betrayed partner.
If you tell him and he doesnt care or thinks it's "your problem" - then he's thinking of himself , not you. And he's not showing care for you.
If he's thinking of himself and not showing care for you - what's to stop him from doing it again?
He could at least TRY different things - and work on ways to make it better.
He could be sensitive to this.
He could come home and not go again without you - if that's what it takes. At least for awhile - while you work on it together with councling or somthing.
He could make trips like this VERY SHORT unless he brings you along.
He could make a point of letting you know where he is every second - what he's doing - WITH his family (It' s harder to lie about what your doing and who you are with if you are saying it in front of mom)...he could call you more to console you and reassure you and tell you he loves you. He could send flowers or do ANYTHING to show you he's thinking of YOU- and that may help you feel at least a little better.
Tell him.
After what he has put you through - sharing this with him and asking him to work on it with you, try to help you, try to figure out HOW he can HELP you trust him - is NOT too much to ask.
HE is the one who made you not trust him - so he is the one that needs to figure out how to make you trust him.