Speaking of just as guilty - I am going to go to Dr. Phils board and see if I can find where I posted my story just for entertainment value, so to speak...sit tight...

My God darling, you sound like me. Or rather my situation. Forgive me in advance if I ramble and seem to go from one subject to the next. When you see how long I have lived this you'll understand. Anyway, I have been married 20 years. The entire time of my marriage, one of my husbands ex girlfriends from college has habitually tried to break up my marriage because she is obsessed with MY husband. I am not proud to admit this but I have "caught" them involved with each other 9 times over the last 20 years. 2 times, the involvement was sexual. And truthfully, I'd rather that over the emotionan. She practically became his therapist via AOL. This person has even has the nerve to ingratiate herself with his family, who by the way sees nothing wrong with her slutty ways and to this day my relationship with my mother in law is very strained. Because of her actions and he other son, I can't stand either one of them. My sister in law (by marriage) is the woman's best friend! When my husband and her became reinvolved - she was the go between. In fact, she has made it her policy to become close to everyone my husband was ever involved with. It was made somewhat easy since she was dating his brother and is now married to him. I am not at all hung up on myself but believe me when I say her actions stem from pure jealousy of me and my life. Her husband (my husband's brother) has habitually cheated on her - I know of 7 women. Anyway, each time I catch my husband, he is remorseful, blah, blah, blah. The kicker is I know he truly loves me. He claims that because I got so involved in my career, grieved the death of my grandmother, grandfather, and 1st cousin over the course of 9 months, and "neglected" him, he did this. I wanna know how can you call it neglect when you're getting sex 5 nights a week and your wife makes over 100K a year and you don't have to work but choose to? Money has never been a reason I stayed. Unfortunately, he suffers from depression, post traumatic stress disorder from the first gulf war, and to a degree can be a narcissist. I must say that they were not sexually involved until about 5 years ago. I busted them (thanks Spector Pro) and he swore it was over. Well, six months go by, his dad was dying, and just guess who had to let him know she "cared"? Well, after she brought her skanky tail to the funeral, she started up her pursuit AGAIN, and Mr. No Will Power/Self Control, started hitting it again. Busted him again. A year goes by. He sinks back into depression because of his dad dying. Let me interject that she married and divorced over trhe course of all this between 1995 and 1997. Another year, and then I find a secret email account. Woman's inuition is something! He created the email account 2 days before I got suspicious. He wears his emotions on his face. Busted - she skulked quietly away. I closed the account. Fast forward 18 months and my sister in law's father died. Guess who just had to come to the funeral - she is her best friend after all. Well, he didn't say one word to her or look in her direction which practically killed her. She did everything she could to get his attention. I do often wonder what would have happened had I not been present. That was a year ago. He claims to love me more each day. Admires my strength, my mothering our 2 boys. We'll see how long it lasts. The baby graduates this year. All he can talk about is all the things we'll do toghether when we are "alone" - cruises, getaways, etc. I hate the fact that I still monitor his actions and check his email account daily. His cell is on my account. Our money is separate too. My mama didn't raise no fools! I know eveyone is thinking, what kind of relationship is this when you have to live this way? Well, it works for me. Hubby is now very active in the church (unfortunately I still enjoy my cigarettes and wine a little to much to walk equally) and he says when I am ready I will join him. Who knows. I do believe that life is too short to waste. I admit, I have done some dispicable things. I actually got her fired from a 6 figure job becuase she was using her company phone and expense account to wine and dine my man. I also sent her an annonymous email supposedly from him demanding that she get an abortion when I found out the b*tch was pregnant and trying to keep it. By the time she got in contact with him to tell him she had done what he'd asked, he was dumb and dumber - LOL. That split them up for good because he insisted he didn't know what she was talking about even though the email came from his "private" account. One night I suspected he was at her house. We have 4 cars and all of them are in my name. So I figured I was within my rights to reclaim my property. Got my best friend to ride with me. Turned onto her street and turned off the headlights. Took my keys, quietly crept up to the car, got in, started it, and left his a** right there! My best friend drove my other car home. Within one hour he was home all sorry like a puppy, trying to convince me he only went there to "end it". I told him Is she out there with her car running because otherwise that may have been a mistake. You need somewhere to stay and if your nice about it maybe shell let you bunk with her in her shanty. This was in 2002 when I discovered she was pregnant and trying to convince him tro let her keep it. I didn't put him out, but I mad it awfully hard to live with me - this was the beginning of the 6 months I had him in "dry dock". I have done the things I have done to keep my marriage in tact. He didn't have me for 6 months after that becuase he refused to get and AIDS test and I wasn't doing anything until he did. I admit I was proud of hurting her and I guess I'll just have to answer to a higher power when the time comes. But I sum all this up by saying, I have loved this man for 26 years, since I was 12, been married for 20, and I was not about to let that whore step into my life and enjoy all that he and I had worked to create together. I am 40 by the way. But just in case... I have a file folder that is about 3 inches thick with hotel and motel receipts (desk clerks can be so forthcoming when you pretend to be a boss "seeking verification"), emails, you name it. Should I ever need the info, he won't have anything but his dirty drawers. Anyway, honey keep your head up. I often say that when it rains it pours but eventually the sun shall shine again.

ADDITIONAL INFO YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

I purchased a computer monitoring program called Spector Soft. Their website allows you to purchase and download the program and erases all traces of the installation from your computer. He'll never know it's there unless you tell him. It is somewhat cost prohibitive at $80, but to me it was worth every penny. With this program, you get a secret key sequence where you can log on and view "snapshots" of all activity on the computer. The snapshots include, email, passwords, websites visited, chat sessions, and literally everything else you need. You can even set it to record only when certain profiles log on, or just Internet activity, record only when certain words are typed, and it even can email you! Caution: only check it when you are sure that you will not be caught, only install it on a computer you own, and operate it in the stealth mode. I have 4 computers in my home and I installed it on each one as you can monitor kids activity also. Is it dishonest? I go back and forth mainly because in theory I believe people should have privacy. But at the same time my husband totally betrayed 14 years of marriage and turned into another person I couldn't recognize. In my eyes, by choosing to go outside our marriage before trying to work on it, he lost all rights to privacy. I can attest that having the information I gathered saved my marriage. He knew there was no way he could dance around his own words and caused him to re-evaluate what he wanted out of life and whether he wanted this marriage. Through counseling and medical Dr.'s it was determined that he was severely depressed and suffered from post traumatic stress from the first Gulf War. It has been a long hard road, but we are together 20 years now and happy. Do I still think about what happened? Yes. I wish when my best friend advised me to buy the program when I first had my doubts that I would have done so. The affair was emotional for a year - then got physical. But at least I did finally find out. At the rate they were carrying on, I am confident that they would still be going strong today as she made it very clear to him that she didn't care he was married, as long as she got to have "a piece of him", which I still think is very strange. Anyway, good luck to you. Sometimes a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do to maintain her sanity, family, and life.

betrayedaswell-my heart bleeds for you. you know to be honest i do believe my husband has changed. i also believe he wanted to change a long time ago he was just afraid of me finding out. i just worry that when things calm down and he gets bored he will do the same thing again. he swears he will not. what i hate the most is that he has lost my trust, and that i have to always worry about where he is and what he is doing. he is pretty pitiful now and always begging and pleading-it's pretty sad!! he has never been a computer person, he barely even uses the internet. he occasionally will play a computer game. but thanks for the info-i'm sure someone else here will appreciate that. i wish things were better for you, i hate that you have to go thru so much. i am here for you and i am praying for you. hey i got an idea-why don't you move to north carolina-and sue her for "alientation of affection, and criminal conversation." chat with you soon.

I actually live in NC about 40 minutes from where she lives. I seriously considered legal action but in truth, a message board is different that a court of law. Too many people already know too much of my business and I was afraid of the affect it would have on my children who were 13 and 14 at the time. I have decided should it happen again, the money I would have spent on a law suit will go to starting a new life without him and the first order of business will be writing a book on his cheating. God knows I have more than enough information to complete a mini-series! I love and adore him dearly, but I am at a point where I could let go if forced to. Thanks for your kind words and prayers. I hope everything works out well for you.

Does Kentucky have this Law?

From what I can recall no. Let me do some more research and I'll post who does...

There is another thread here that has the same title. I cannot find it but I am fairly certain that your state does not have this law on the books. I will keep searching and maybe in the next couple of days I can find it. Hey, the rest of you mposters, look for it too if you have time and post which states allow this. Thanks in advance.

go to your web page and just put in the words "alientation of affection, or crminal conversation" in the key word section and it will tell you what states have the law

Here you go (thanks to SallyBananas22)

States in which alienation of affection is possibly a viable cause of action:

Hawaii
Illinois
Mississippi
Missouri (appears recently abolished)
New Hampshire
New Mexico
North Carolina
South Dakota
Utah

[To succeed on an alienation claim, the plaintiff often must show that (1) the marriage entailed love between the spouses in some degree; (2) the spousal love was alienated and destroyed; and (3) defendants malicious conduct contributed to or caused the loss of affection. It is often not necessary to show that the defendant set out to destroy the marital relationship, but only that he or she intentionally engaged in acts that likely would impact the marriage.]


Hope it helps but just make sure you are ready for all you business to be out on the street, so to speak.