
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
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I agree with Shoegodess but I also know that letting go of the pain, takes as long as it takes. It also keeps us safe. This trauma is so disorienting to us that without the pain to remind us, I think, we might just go back to them blindly.
I think people do that because REALLY accepting that our spouses values and character are less than..ours..our expectations...our former beliefs...
Is so hard! It literally takes a 180.
I do though, know, that after I accepted that my husband is not like me and is less moral, I began to heal. Fighting that fact, unconciously, took so much effort. But, really, what else is there to believe?
Compartmentalizing is a defense, yes, but we all have defences and we can choose to use them or not.
One of my best defenses is logic, "well he could not do this and love me"! True. In my world, my defintion of love, forbids such callous, selfish, dismisive and cold behavior.
In his world, his needs, he is much more needy of outside validation than I, come first. Wrong? Yes! Fact? Yes!
My husband is reading a book, that J-Girl recommended called, "When Good Men Behave Badly". It explains, from a man's point of view, how looking for "self" outside of yourself, will always lead to disappointment and severe pain.
Some people, have no idea who they are until or unless, someone else is "reflecting back to them".
The book says, we, as wives, cannot meet those needs, because they are excessive. It explains how to begin to make "self" the source of your validation.
Perhaps...then...self wont have to take all of their energy to sustain them and maybe then unselfishness can be born.
Dont really know but a possibility?
It takes time to let go and accept your new life. Best of luck as you start this journey ... whether it leads you back to him or in a completely new direction.